Archive for 2021

Un­for­tu­nate­ly, I Said It in­to the In­ter­com

20-some­thing chick: So yeah, I did­n’t even care when this girl at my school died.
Friend: Whoa…
20-some­thing chick: Well, she broke my friend’s leg!
Friend: Oh…
20-some­thing chick: When the prin­ci­pal was hav­ing the mo­ment of si­lence, I was like, ‘Geez, she did­n’t take this long to die!‘
Friend: Dude…

–Web­ster Hall

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Al­ice: I Could Go for Some Dwarfs

Hus­band: Geez! Alls you do is sit on your ass and play with the kids.
Wife: I’m sor­ry I am not Car­ol-freak­ing-Brady! We have six fuck­ing kids and I still have no Al­ice! Give me a break and cook din­ner your-fuck­ing-self! The kids are eat­ing PB&J — end of dis­cus­sion.
Hus­band: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don’t whis­tle while they work. I still want Al­ice!
Hus­band: You al­ways get the last word. I can’t top that! Dammit!

–So­ho

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

How Could This Not Work?

Odd-Look­ing guy: At­ten­tion, hu­mans. I am an an­gel. An Earth an­gel. I used to speak on be­half of Je­sus Christ, but I have been pro­mot­ed to be an an­gel on Earth, to teach oth­ers how to be­come earth an­gels. I can teach you how to be­come an Earth an­gel. I can on­ly teach fe­males.

–Down­town 6 train

Over­heard by: Shi­ra

Dude, Would You Please Cow­boy Up?

Des­per­ate law stu­dent: But I love you!
Heart­less biotech: That’s your prob­lem, not mine.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: I can’t live with­out you.
Heart­less biotech: So don’t.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: You would­n’t even care if I killed my­self, would you?
Heart­less biotech: Not un­less you de­cid­ed to do it in front of my house and I had to have po­lice and the me­dia there. Then I’d be pissed.
Des­per­ate law stu­dent: How can you be so cru­el to some­one who loves you so much?
Heart­less biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do de­cide to kill your­self try to do it the week of Au­gust sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vine­yard with Ja­son then.

–Brook­lyn Law School li­brary

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry — cring­ing with em­pa­thy