Archive for 2021

One Might Even Say You’re Nuts.

Girl #1: I want choco­late.
Girl #2: So get some choco­late.
Girl #1: I’m go­ing to get some m&ms. The peanut ones.
Girl #2: But the plain ones are choco­laty-er.
Girl #1: But if I just eat the choco­late off the peanuts, and then throw the peanuts away, then I’m on­ly eat­ing half the calo­ries!
Girl #2: You’re stu­pid.
Girl #1: No! (shows girl #2 the nu­tri­tion­al in­fo on the back of both pack­ets)
Girl #2: Yes.

–New York Times Cafe­te­ria

Lind­say Reps Her Own Urine These Days

Hobo putting hand on Justin Tim­ber­lake look-alike’s shoul­der: Oh, shit! It’s Justin Tim­ber­lake, every­body!
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teeny­bop­per: Can I have your au­to­graph, please?
Look-alike: I’m not Justin Tim­ber­lake.
Tourist teeny­bop­per: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We’ll do busi­ness. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Tim­ber­lake’s au­to­graph, every­one! For 20 bucks he’ll dance for you.
Tourist teeny­bop­per: I have five dol­lars…
Hobo: We’re in busi­ness!
Look-alike: I’m go­ing to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I’ve ever come up with! Ex­cept for the time I tried to sell Lind­say Lo­han’s piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was ac­tu­al­ly my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with peo­ple.

–4 train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn