Archive for 2021

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or something.
Boy: That’s like the time that family in my town had those slaves.

–Crowded Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: confused

Wednesday One-Liners & Order

Girl on cell: Wow, you should be concerned if he does that in bed… Maybe you should call the cops. Actually, definitely call the cops.

–Lincoln Center

NYPD policeman inside police van: The park is now closed. If you are looking for recreational narcotics, may we suggest the East Village?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joe DiCastro

Guy to friend: Donuts freak me out, that’s why I’m not a cop!

–46th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Molly

Macho policeman to petite policewoman partner: So I was like “Yo, dude! You’d make a good cop if you could just shut the fuck up!”

–Johnson & Graham, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Raise Your Hand If You Assumed It Was a Harry Potter Thing.

Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some triffles!
(tired mother ignores her)
Six-year old girl: Triffles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want triffles! Triffles, triffles, triffles!
Tired mother: What the hell is a triffle? I don’t even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me neither.

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Now I really wanna know

Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour