Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: bebe
Archive for 2021
…In the 1800s
Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or something.
Boy: That’s like the time that family in my town had those slaves.
–Crowded Elevator, NYU
Overheard by: confused
You Overheard It Here First?
Woman: I assure you, every subway I ride does not have a camera.
Bus driver: The conductor has a screen in front of him; every car.
–B63 bus
Wednesday One-Liners & Order
Girl on cell: Wow, you should be concerned if he does that in bed… Maybe you should call the cops. Actually, definitely call the cops.
–Lincoln Center
NYPD policeman inside police van: The park is now closed. If you are looking for recreational narcotics, may we suggest the East Village?
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Joe DiCastro
Guy to friend: Donuts freak me out, that’s why I’m not a cop!
–46th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Molly
Macho policeman to petite policewoman partner: So I was like “Yo, dude! You’d make a good cop if you could just shut the fuck up!”
–Johnson & Graham, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt
God: Didn’t I Issue a Commandment Against That?
Guy #1: Did you hear that Beyonce is playing Eartha Kitt in a biopic?
Guy #2: What the fuck? Are you serious? I need to get in contact with god!
Guy #1: Yeah, I think we are in our last days, like old people say.
–5th Ave b/w 18th & 19th St
Raise Your Hand If You Assumed It Was a Harry Potter Thing.
Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some triffles!
(tired mother ignores her)
Six-year old girl: Triffles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want triffles! Triffles, triffles, triffles!
Tired mother: What the hell is a triffle? I don’t even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me neither.
–Crown Heights
Overheard by: Now I really wanna know
Wednesday One-liners Lunch Hour
Teen boy: Yo, I got the munchies, B…Yo, what happened to the guys with candy and shit? Shit was mad convenient.
–1 train
Overheard by: I. J. Meyers
That Was *You*, Cammy
Hysterical girl #1: What stop is next?
Hysterical girl #2: Tuckahoe.
Hysterical girl #3: I tucked a hoe in my pants once.
–Metro North Railroad
Just When You Think Lesbian Porn Can’t Get Any Better
Woman #1: Wow, those fingerless gloves are great! You look like you could get into a fistfight, but in a totally adorable way!
Woman #2: It would be the cutest, fuzziest, bluest fight ever!
–5th & 22nd
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Or Trains at All! Why Go On?
Conductor: There will be no Seven Train service today.
Hardhat: Good. After the Mets lose, we don’t need the fucking Seven Train!
–6 train
Overheard by: phenders
