Archive for 2021

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school dra­ma teacher has been sleep­ing with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or some­thing.
Boy: That’s like the time that fam­i­ly in my town had those slaves.

–Crowd­ed El­e­va­tor, NYU

Over­heard by: con­fused

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers & Or­der

Girl on cell: Wow, you should be con­cerned if he does that in bed… Maybe you should call the cops. Ac­tu­al­ly, def­i­nite­ly call the cops.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

NYPD po­lice­man in­side po­lice van: The park is now closed. If you are look­ing for recre­ation­al nar­cotics, may we sug­gest the East Vil­lage?

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Joe Di­Cas­tro

Guy to friend: Donuts freak me out, that’s why I’m not a cop!

–46th St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Mol­ly

Ma­cho po­lice­man to pe­tite po­lice­woman part­ner: So I was like “Yo, dude! You’d make a good cop if you could just shut the fuck up!”

–John­son & Gra­ham, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Matt

Raise Your Hand If You As­sumed It Was a Har­ry Pot­ter Thing.

Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some trif­fles!
(tired moth­er ig­nores her)
Six-year old girl: Trif­fles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want trif­fles! Trif­fles, trif­fles, trif­fles!
Tired moth­er: What the hell is a trif­fle? I don’t even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me nei­ther.

–Crown Heights

Over­heard by: Now I re­al­ly wan­na know

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Lunch Hour