Woman: Either he’s a jogger or he’s homeless.
–Union Square
Overheard by: David Alcorn
Archive for 2021
It’s Impossible to Keep Them All Straight
Girl #1: Oh my god. My boyfriend just cheated on me.
Girl #2: Holy shit! Which one?
–Olive & Bette’s, W Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: striped shirt
Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but Kiss on the Mouth
Woman: Yeah, but just because you can play a dying crackwhore in Rent, that doesn’t mean that you can play a dying crackwhore in Les Mis — they’re two different kinds of whores!
–Broadhurst Theatre
Columbia chick: Yeah, I’d be the Mother Theresa of prostitutes.
–Columbia University
Couple arguing on the street: You want to talk about the truth, fine — let’s talk about the truth! What about that time I found you upstairs in our apartment smoking crack with that prostitute?
–2nd Ave & E 5th St
Overheard by: Awestruck Iowan
Girl: Well, of course I’m mad… She’s taking my pimp from me!
–Mall
Announcer: There is a ‘B’-as-in-‘brothel’ train approaching the station.
–59th St, Columbus Circle Station
Overheard by: Jennifer
Chick on cell: I think we’re all hypothetical hookers, to some extent.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McF
Why Beauty Bar Exists.
Nail salon employee #1, walking up to closed nail salon: What? No one opened this morning?
Nail salon employee #2, standing outside nail salon: No. No one here.
Nail salon employee #1, disappointed: They’re such alcoholics.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: dev
Touché, Ann Coulter, Touché
Tourist guy #1: New York is cool man, a lot of places to visit and shit.
Tourist guy #2: Yeah, I know… I can’t wait to find me one of them horny-ass “Sex in the City” whores to suck me up while I’m here.
Tourist guy #1: That’s a myth, you fag. It ain’t real.
Tourist guy #2: Look at those moms over there. I bet they’re craving some young cock.
–Outside Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: FatCop
Little Shop Of Wednesday One-Liners
Guy to another, in line of men waiting for their wives: The amount of commerce that takes place in this store is unbelievable.
–J Crew, SoHo
Overheard by: jangbang
Ghetto tween to friends: Yo, I want a girl that look like she just come out of Urban Outfitters… Dude, that’s my dream girl.
–The Bronx
Overheard by: wink
Obnoxious student: I don’t have time to go to Old Navy and buy myself a t‑shirt!
–NYU
Mother to child in the check-out line: If your father asks, this was on sale.
–Toys R Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Emily G.
The Dangers of Making Love in Front of the Robots
Man #1: What happened?
Man #2: I was straddling her, and then everyone got turned on.
–Washington Heights
That’s What You Said About the BP Spill!
Cashier #1, handing towel to coworker who just spilled soda: There ya go!
Cashier #2: Don’t matter. I’m getting fucked tonight anyway.
–Sbarros, Times Square
The Secret is Out!
A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.
Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst
You Mean Like Bacon?
Boyfriend: So, my buddy’s celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girlfriend: He’s celebrating what? And giving you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jewish holiday. Some Jewish food.
Girlfriend: Ah.
–2 train
Overheard by:
