Archive for 2021

We’re Losing the War on Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: It’s not a methadone program! You’re on methadone the whole time while you’re in there, but it’s not a methadone program!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: PNY

Frat boy: It’s liquid cocaine, and it’s going to be legal for at least another year!

–Lion’s Head Bar, 108th & Amsterdam

Dude: You just spray it and then snort it…

–33 W 19th Street

Overheard by: Uh, I never did it like that..

Man on cell: Man, you’re always high! Remember that construction job? No, of course you don’t — ’cause you were high!

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Isaiah Tanenbaum

Lead singer: I sweat coke at Bikram Yoga.

–Crash Mansion

Queer on cell: And the one thing I should’ve been buying myself — drugs — he was buying for me.

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: MR

Attorney on phone: She may smoke pot, but she’s absolutely responsible!

–Midtown East

Overheard by: Opie

… With a Camcorder

Distraught woman: So, you know, I got a flat tire… Not on the Honda, you know, the Volvo.
Friend: Right.
Distraught woman: Well, this guy comes over to help me, but it turns out he only stopped because he was a foot fetishist…

–1 train

Overheard by: probably why she was on the subway

A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie