Archive for 2021

‘Knife’?

Black teen to drag queen: Yo, I can see your Adam’s apple, nigga!
Friend: Shhh, don’t say the N‑word, we’re surrounded by white people!

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: jesse michael klein

Wednesday One-Liners, Now with Pop-Up Blocker

Trader: Yeah, so after I first called him I accidentally sent him a hardcore porn email, and he got such a kick out of it he sent me a hundred and fifty thousand share order.

–42nd & Madison

Overheard by: So that’s how he makes so much money

Chick : Well, I got that thing on Facebook for his funeral, so I’ll be there Monday…

–NJ Transit train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Jingles

Kid on cell: Okay, now attach the file to the email… The file name is, um, ‘Beautiful black booties.’ What? Come on, I really need this for my oral presentation.

–Yeshiva University High School

Overheard by: Ellen DeGenerate

Hipster on cell: I am so MySpace mad at you.

–10th & Bedford

Overheard by: Mandy

Girl: Friending him on Facebook is not an indication that you want to get in his pants!

–L train

Overheard by: michelle c

Skinny tween boy: My mom told me to be careful of stalkers on MySpace. Then, as soon as I signed up, I already had one friend — he was this guy named Tom — just smiling at me. I thought, ‘Man, how did the stalker find me so fast?!’

–1 train

30-something dude to another: So, lately I’ve been really into Googling existential questions…

–E 3rd & Bowery

Overheard by: alyosha

She’s a Vegan — Pass the Cheesecake

Girl #1: So I was thinking about milk the other day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Other cows?
Girl #1: No, dumbass! They eat grass! So it stands to reason, when you drink milk, you’re actually drinking liquified grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drinking milk anymore.
Girl #1: Totally, that’s why I drink soy.

–Veniero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave