Archive for 2021

.….But That Was Only Because I Drank Too Much Eggnog and Passed Out in a Puddle

Red-haired hipster: Yeah, I haven’t bathed myself in a week, so today I took a shower.
Hipster chick: Yeah, last time I took a shower was on Christmas Eve. I guess I should bathe.

–L Train

Overheard by: every day bather

Headline by: antigoth

Runners-Up:
· “God, I Hope This Was Overheard on Christmas Day” — Vasyl
· “Jesus Would Want It That Way” — Nick Turner
· “On the Plus Side, I’ve Driven All Of the Roaches Out Of My Apartment” — Kelly
· “Robert Pattinson’s Dream Girls” — John
· “Smells Like.… Teen Spirit?” — rose
· “Wait, Do Golden Showers Count?” — Trey Jackson
· “Why Is There an Echo on This Train?” — Scott Easton
· “Why You Never See Hipster Babies…” — Ray

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Would Rather Be Thin and Dead

Young woman: Oh… I don’t eat dinner anymore. That’s my new thing.

–Bloomingdale’s, 59th St & Lex

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Mother to size‑4 daughter: If you were skinny you’d look good in these clothes.

–Zara, Lex & 59th St

Queer: Go ahead, get dessert. You can just purge it up later.

–Azul Bistro, Stanton St & Suffolk St

Girl on cell: Why do you always ask if I’m anorexic? What’s so wrong about being bulimic?

–7 train

Overheard by: Dorothy

Ana girl: Look at those kids eating… Eating…

–Lowes, Times Square

Overheard by: julia

Guy: Please, I did so much coke, I can fit into these pants.

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Queer on cell: Eating disorders are healthy.

–23rd St & 8th St

Overheard by: Also a Homo

Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Why DVD Rentals Are So Popular

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can’t button my pants.
Mom: It’s alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.

–Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square

So, Like, a Soul Train?

Black woman #1, looking over abandoned trolleys: I can’t figure if dis a bus or a train?
Black woman #2: It’s a train.
Black woman #1: What kind of a train?
(beat)
Black woman #2: A nigga train.

–Red Hook

Overheard by: Xander