White girl to subway clerk: I just swiped my card and it is saying “insignificant fare”.
Subway clerk, smiling: It is saying that?
White girl: Is “insignificant” even a word?
–Clark Street
Archive for 2021
Yes…Her Own! (Happy Halloween)
Old man: I like your outfit.
Old woman: Thanks, I wore it at a funeral last night.
–Morris Park
Overheard by: Lon Steinberg
Wombsday One-Liners
Woman holding large ice cream, to man: You don’t know what it’s like to menstruate! You have no idea!
–Lafeyette & Astor Pl
Overheard by: I have some idea
Newspaper guy: It’s just like when I was selling tampons to Alicia Silverstone. I was like, ‘Is this my life?’
–34th & Broadway
Chick to friends: I think my mom is going through menopause. She wants to move to Colorado.
–St. John’s University, Queens
Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let’s get out of here already.
–Duane Reade
Well-dressed Indian man shouting at woman: You don’t need no fucking tampons! Tampax — that’s a tampon! Tampax is the fucking mafia!
–2 train
Overheard by: Still Confused
Wheeling and Dealing (A NYC Short Story)
Chick on cell: …girl, you know I told her I would give her $5 and she would put in five. Right, so the guy gave us two dimes, right?… No, he gave us the second one for free, but it looked mangled, so then we went out back to smoke it and hers flew away…Yeah, it flew away into the bushes. Yo, I told her if she wanted to smoke grass for reals, that’s on her. I was like, I’m out…Right, so then I didn’t have no money to get back on the bus because my metrocard ran out at 8:30. She only had a dollar, and I was like, “what am I supposed to do with a dollar?”.
–BX40 bus
Dildo and Crack Shopping, Mothafuckaaa!
Old man with sign reading “sinners without faith are going to hell”: Do you know where you’re going?
Hot girl: Yeah, old man…I’m going shopping.
–W 53rd St
Overheard by: Melissa Platt
This One Refuses to Come Out and Go Fetch Me a Beer
Pregnant woman on cell: I’d love to have another baby with him, but did you know he got two different girls pregnant in one year? (later in the conversation) Mmm-hmm, I know. Kids are annoying!
–7‑Eleven
Overheard by: Jeffrey Rice
Must… Resist… Venn Diagram… Headline
Hipster guy: I don’t like him. He’s a douchebag.
Hipster girl: I said he was a nice guy. I didn’t say he wasn’t a douchebag.
–M1 bus
Overheard by: Kinda Nice Guy
Luckily My Clients Are Better Liars Than I
Woman: How’s witness prep going?
Man: Not good. I just can’t keep the story straight.
–Line to get into Daily Show
Okay, but a Burlap Sack and Shower Cap?
Chick: Does she think that looks hot?
Friend: She’s ten.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jax
Wednesday One-Liners’ Next Stop Is Meth
Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I’m going straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stopping for no crack!
–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.
Overheard by: Dana
Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…
–10th St & Ave A
Man to another as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crackhouse.
–SoHo
Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!
–Broadway & 96th St
