Archive for 2021

Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I’d get a plane ticket right now, but it’d be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square

He Means the Dog, You Crummy Jerk!

A Lab suddenly breaks free from the parking tenant and runs into the street and starts nipping at the skirt of a lady walking with her boyfriend.

Parking guy #1: Yo! Come on, pooch! Get your ass over here! Fuckin’ bitch!
Parking guy #2: Yo! That bitch is crazy, B!
Lady: What in the fuck is that?
Guy: Clearly it’s a dog, hon.
Lady: No shit! Get it the fuck away from me!
Passing dude: Damn…see that’s the beauty of the hood…that bitch would have been shot. No question, yo!

–48th & 8th 

Overheard by: E‑nigmatic

Cause If I Don’t Make Quota This Month, the Yakuza Will Have My Thumbs

Overeager sales associate: Welcome to American Eagle! Can I help you find anything?
Guy: No thanks, just looking.
Overeager sales associate: Hey, you know what would really look good on you?
Guy: What?
Overeager sales associate: Jeans!
Guy: Uh… I guess I like jeans.
Overeager sales associate: That’s music to my ears!

–American Eagle, Union Square

Overheard by: doubeldee