Archive for 2021

…High Five!

Girl in short skirt: Hey, that hobo just whistled at me!
Girl in tight pants: Ohmigod, he totally whistled at me like five minutes ago!
Girl in short skirt: Maybe he has something caught in his throat?
Girl in tight pants: No, I think were just really hot.

–Pond Bench, Central Park

Overheard by: A Person with Ears

Wednesday One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth

Young woman to another: I’ve done some soul searching. I’m now willing to believe it’s not butter.

–Park Ave & E. 79th

Overheard by: andy

Annoying lady to worker who apparently mishandled her food: Apologize to the sandwich!

–Subway, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Chick on cell: I try to eat as many acidic things as possible since I have a very creamy nature.

–35th & 7th

Girl on cell: Girrrrllll…he was meltin’ me like butter last night.

–Bedford Ave & N 5th

Overheard by: Marleni

College guy: All molds are not created equal! Think about yogurt, man, it’s all frickin mold!

–Columbia College Walk

Would-be CIA student on cell: Yeah, so I think my interview at the CIA went well. I think I’ll really like it there. (notices people around him) …the Culinary institute of America! (everyone smiles)

–80th & Broadway

Overheard by: Roth Hall

Wednesday One-Linterventions

Woman outside a Subway restaurant on cell: Hi, this is Erica*. I met you on the plane to rehab.

–38th St & 7th Ave

College guy: I’ve always wanted to try a roofie.

–116th & Broadway

20-something hot girl to friend: I’m pretty sure it was drug money; I took it anyway.

–Restaurant, Apartment 134

Teenager to friends: When he was a teenager, he got all this money from the government because his mother was this amazing drug addict.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Timeless Drifter

At the Male Fantasy Semifinals

Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.

–Downtown 6 train