Archive for 2021

“What do you mean, you’re an Av­er­age Joe?”

Woman #1: She had been dat­ing him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a re­al­i­ty dat­ing show last night. Now she’s go­ing break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed be­fore they were dat­ing. You know, some­times those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were go­ing out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least men­tioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dat­ing show”?

–Du­ane Reade, 52nd be­tween Madi­son & Park

Over­heard by: Cap­tain Ob­vi­ous

High Colonic Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowl­ing ball!

–34th & 6th

Over­heard by: Jared

Male stu­dent to two friends: No, they lit­er­al­ly put it in your ass!

–51st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: tin steve

Bilin­gual hip­ster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who want­ed to or­der the flan and you were the one who want­ed to put it up where it does­n’t be­long! Ex­it on­ly! Flan ex­it on­ly! No en­tra­da por na­da!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for house­keep­ing…

–Lob­by of W Ho­tel, Union Square

Train an­nounc­er: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Over­heard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s ab­solute­ly noth­ing gay about me oth­er than the cook­ing and the clean­ing, and the tak­ing it up the ass.

–207th St, Wood­lawn, Bronx

Thug: Ba­by… C’­mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hobo­ken PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Seph

Gui­do: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-tak­er-in­ner!

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: Patrick Di Jus­to