Archive for 2021

Staten Island Just Keeps Getting Classier

Staten Island chick: These kids used to go the playground by my house and wind a rope around the merry-go-round and then tie it to the bumper of their car and drive away so the thing would spin outta control – like really fast – until one time some girl got thrown like 20 feet and she died. Then they took it out.
Brother #1: What? Wait, she died? How old was she? Like a kid? How old? How old?
Brother #2: She was 92. She had a full life so you really can’t feel all that bad. 

–50th & 6th

The Niceties of Wednesday One-Liners

Angry man yelling into pay phone: Do you know what extortion is? Yeah? Well, it’s not nice.

–Polish resturant, Brooklyn Heights

Bus driver: To all the nice people who didn’t curse at the bus driver, thank you.

–Bx 8 bus

Overheard by: You’re Welcome

Woman collecting money for Coalition for the Homeless: Now, you have a nice day, sir! I don’t wanna tell you have a nice day, because you’re a horrible person! You should be giving me money, but you ain’t and you’re going to hell! But I’m a good person, so I’m going to say have a nice day anyway! Have a nice day, ladies. Shalom!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Michelle Smith

Homely redhead: I started dating this new guy, and that’s really good because I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. We’ve been on two dates and he’s married and he’s really nice.

–60th & 5th

Dude: He’s a nice guy. If you cross him he’ll tie your ears together and slingshot boxes of wine in your face.

–Bleecker

Chick: She is a nice girl! Completely crazy.

–67th St stop, Queens

Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back

Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn’t mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…

–LGA

Overheard by: Tired FA