Archive for 2021

Staten Island Just Keeps Getting Classier

Staten Island chick: These kids used to go the playground by my house and wind a rope around the merry-go-round and then tie it to the bumper of their car and drive away so the thing would spin outta control–like really fast–until one time some girl got thrown like 20 feet and she died. Then they took it out.
Brother #1: What? Wait, she died? How old was she? Like a kid? How old? How old?
Brother #2: She was 92. She had a full life so you really can’t feel all that bad. 

–50th & 6th

The Niceties of Wednesday One-Liners

Angry man yelling into pay phone: Do you know what extortion is? Yeah? Well, it’s not nice.

–Polish resturant, Brooklyn Heights

Bus driver: To all the nice people who didn’t curse at the bus driver, thank you.

–Bx 8 bus

Overheard by: You’re Welcome

Woman collecting money for Coalition for the Homeless: Now, you have a nice day, sir! I don’t wanna tell you have a nice day, because you’re a horrible person! You should be giving me money, but you ain’t and you’re going to hell! But I’m a good person, so I’m going to say have a nice day anyway! Have a nice day, ladies. Shalom!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Michelle Smith

Homely redhead: I started dating this new guy, and that’s really good because I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. We’ve been on two dates and he’s married and he’s really nice.

–60th & 5th

Dude: He’s a nice guy. If you cross him he’ll tie your ears together and slingshot boxes of wine in your face.

–Bleecker

Chick: She is a nice girl! Completely crazy.

–67th St stop, Queens

Whenever It Tries to Escape, They Drag It Back

Teenager: Who wants to sleep on the plane? Lets just stay here!
Dad: Who knows, this plane might go to Anchorage or something…
Teenager: Oh cool, I like Canada. I wouldn’t mind staying there.
Flight attendant: Anchorage is in Alaska…

–LGA

Overheard by: Tired FA