Boyfriend: Let’s pawn the ring you have. It’ll be, like, $800 towards the real thing.
Girlfriend: That’s ghetto.
Boyfriend: No, that’s super-sizin’.
–US Airways Flight
Overheard by: aryn
Archive for 2021
“Speak up. I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”
Woman on phone: Um, like, there are no one-legged dancers. But there are deaf dancers! You could be one!
–66th & Broadway
Urge to Talk to You Fading…Fading…
Salesgirl #1: My friend totally looks like George Costanza.
Salesgirl #2: Wow.
Salesgirl #1: Except picture him 20 years younger.
Salesgirl #2: Okay.
Salesgirl #1: Oh, and with hair.
Salesgirl #2: Uh huh.
Salesgirl #1: And his hair is blonde.
Salesgirl #2: Right…
–Rothman’s, 17th & PAS
Overheard by: shopper
Yeah, You Like That, Don’t You, Monkey?
Barista: So, Sutton Foster was in here the other day.
Friend: Yeah? I don’t really like her…
Barista: What are you, nuts?! She’s great! Oh! A few days ago, like, the whole cast of Spring Awakening came in.
Friend: Oh. Yeah, I didn’t like that show.
Barista, yelling: Honestly, what are you even doing here?! Do you want to be on Broadway? Is this the life you want? Christ, you would think I was talking to a monkey from Indiana.
Friend: Um, sorry?
Barista: Whatever. Forget it. You’re a waste of talent… Want some free sticky bread?
–Starbucks, 47th & 8th
You Brought Your Toothbrush, Right?
Non-puking girl (holding hair of other girl): Are you done yet?
Puking girl: I think so.
Non-puking girl: We should probably get some gum before we go up to those guys’ apartment.
–34th & Park Ave
…Does That Mean You Have a Coke Connection??
20-something guy to friend: And then he died of a cocaine-induced overdose, while having sex with a prostitute.
Friend: That’s awesome!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Katie Compa
A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners
Guy on cell: I know people that have just cut the bottom off their t‑shirt and pooped into that…
–Broadway & W 25th St
Woman to friend, waiting for light to change: Yes, girl! These damn Activia had my shit wrecked yesterday!
–Park Slope
Girl on cell: Tasha tried it, but she shit to much.
–Broadway & 102nd St
Woman on bus, shouting to bus driver: Fuck! I have to shit! Hurry, I have to shit!
–X10 Bus
Middle aged guy to: Yeah man, the best place to take a dump in high school was at the stadium behind the bleachers.
–71st & Columbus
Overheard by: This Charming Man
20-something to friend: And you know, he pooped on my pillow.
–Gramercy
Mailwoman on cell: Did a pigeon shit on your head, yet?
–Park Ave & 97th
… So Could You Please Go Buy a Tourniquet?
Dad: It just seems silly. Why risk a lot for a little?
Teen son: It’s not a little, it’s my life!
–14th & 6th
Think about Your Career Options, Then
Hispanic boy #1, taking picture of two others: Yo, stand still. Try not to laugh! Think of dead puppies or dead babies or somethin’.
Hispanic boy #2: But that will make me laugh!
–Lehman College cafeteria
Overheard by: Angelica Cayne
Poetry in Motion
Girl: I love watching people on subways.
Guy: I know, right? I like making short poems ’bout them, too. (points discretely at JAP across subway car) “Slutty white girl looks around train. Adjusts boobs. Looks around again.”
–1 Train
