Archive for 2021

Wednesday One-Liners Better Wait to Exhale

Youngish girl to another: Mmm-mmm, everybody got to be on this train like it’s the last train to salvation…

–Uptown 6 Train, Rush Hour

Lady on line picking up tickets from box office: The city’s so crowded today, and they all look like slobs.

–Merkin Concert Hall, W. 67th St

Overheard by: Frank

Woman after struggling to get on train through crowd: Get off the damn train, people! Don’t just stand there in the way, like Fievel from American Tail! Just standing there staring like ‘oh, ah!’ get off the damn train!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Tiger was my favorite character

Cool-looking guy: Man! Dis some Ellis Island bullshit up in here!

–Megabus

Conductor: Okay, folks, I know you can squeeze one more in here. (door closes) Thank you. (pause) Aren’t you glad you used dial this morning? Don’t you wish everybody did?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Womanspirit


What’s the World Coming to When You Can’t Even Bride a Cop for a Celebrity’s Address?

20-something dude: I don’t get why a tourist would spend their whole day trying to spot an actor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-something dude: I guess I could see myself going to some real hot actresses’ usual spots.
Man: You mean like stalking?
20-something dude: Hah! This guy knows what I’m talking about.
Man: I’m a cop.
20-something dude: Oh. So you actually know what I’m talking about. Don’t worry, officer, I only intend on stalking Natalie Portman.
Cop: You wanna go for a ride?
20-something dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the station.
20-something dude: I’ll shut up.
Cop: Thatta boy.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: InDCandMissingBK