Archive for 2021

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bet­ter Wait to Ex­hale

Youngish girl to an­oth­er: Mmm-mmm, every­body got to be on this train like it’s the last train to sal­va­tion…

–Up­town 6 Train, Rush Hour

La­dy on line pick­ing up tick­ets from box of­fice: The city’s so crowd­ed to­day, and they all look like slobs.

–Merkin Con­cert Hall, W. 67th St

Over­heard by: Frank

Woman af­ter strug­gling to get on train through crowd: Get off the damn train, peo­ple! Don’t just stand there in the way, like Fiev­el from Amer­i­can Tail! Just stand­ing there star­ing like ‘oh, ah!’ get off the damn train!

–3 Train

Over­heard by: Tiger was my fa­vorite char­ac­ter

Cool-look­ing guy: Man! Dis some El­lis Is­land bull­shit up in here!

–Megabus

Con­duc­tor: Okay, folks, I know you can squeeze one more in here. (door clos­es) Thank you. (pause) Aren’t you glad you used di­al this morn­ing? Don’t you wish every­body did?

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Wom­an­spir­it

What’s the World Com­ing to When You Can’t Even Bride a Cop for a Celebri­ty’s Ad­dress?

20-some­thing dude: I don’t get why a tourist would spend their whole day try­ing to spot an ac­tor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-some­thing dude: I guess I could see my­self go­ing to some re­al hot ac­tress­es’ usu­al spots.
Man: You mean like stalk­ing?
20-some­thing dude: Hah! This guy knows what I’m talk­ing about.
Man: I’m a cop.
20-some­thing dude: Oh. So you ac­tu­al­ly know what I’m talk­ing about. Don’t wor­ry, of­fi­cer, I on­ly in­tend on stalk­ing Na­tal­ie Port­man.
Cop: You wan­na go for a ride?
20-some­thing dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the sta­tion.
20-some­thing dude: I’ll shut up.
Cop: That­ta boy.

–Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: In­D­Can­d­Miss­ing­BK