Chubby girl: I just went to the zoo!
Homely friend: Without me?
Chubby girl: I saw the seals! They looked like our offspring!
–Tasti D‑Lite, 3rd Ave, UES
Overheard by: alexandra
Archive for 2021
We’ve Found Osama
Woman: Did you call Giuliani? Call in a favor?
Man: I tried, but.…
Woman: After all you did for him after 9⁄11. What a slap in the face.
–Parking garage, 53rd & 5th
Unlike Frozen Penises
Girl #1: Oh my god, I need something cold and sweet in my mouth, like, now! Like, a frozen sugared penis!
Girl #2: Oooh! With Splenda on it?!
Girl #1: Oh, no! I so do not eat that. Splenda is tested on animals!
–MacDougal St
Overheard by: SarahC
That “Stacy’s Mom” Video Ruined My Whole Generation
Indian girl to boyfriend: Can you believe she did that? I was just like “what the fuck?“
Boyfriend, obviously not paying attention: Mhhmm. You’re right.
Indian girl, angrily: Stop thinking about my mother’s breasts!
–Kimmel Student Centre, NYU
Overheard by: I know I would
Wednesday One-Liners Better Wait to Exhale
Youngish girl to another: Mmm-mmm, everybody got to be on this train like it’s the last train to salvation…
–Uptown 6 Train, Rush Hour
Lady on line picking up tickets from box office: The city’s so crowded today, and they all look like slobs.
–Merkin Concert Hall, W. 67th St
Overheard by: Frank
Woman after struggling to get on train through crowd: Get off the damn train, people! Don’t just stand there in the way, like Fievel from American Tail! Just standing there staring like ‘oh, ah!’ get off the damn train!
–3 Train
Overheard by: Tiger was my favorite character
Cool-looking guy: Man! Dis some Ellis Island bullshit up in here!
–Megabus
Conductor: Okay, folks, I know you can squeeze one more in here. (door closes) Thank you. (pause) Aren’t you glad you used dial this morning? Don’t you wish everybody did?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Womanspirit
What Did He Ever Do to Her?
Hipster girl: Hi, how are you?
Dressy-casual guy: Hi, you look great!
Hipster girl: Thanks. You look like you’re from Oklahoma.
–Makor/Steinhart Center, W 67th St
Overheard by: Alex
What’s the World Coming to When You Can’t Even Bride a Cop for a Celebrity’s Address?
20-something dude: I don’t get why a tourist would spend their whole day trying to spot an actor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-something dude: I guess I could see myself going to some real hot actresses’ usual spots.
Man: You mean like stalking?
20-something dude: Hah! This guy knows what I’m talking about.
Man: I’m a cop.
20-something dude: Oh. So you actually know what I’m talking about. Don’t worry, officer, I only intend on stalking Natalie Portman.
Cop: You wanna go for a ride?
20-something dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the station.
20-something dude: I’ll shut up.
Cop: Thatta boy.
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: InDCandMissingBK
I Blame New York
Guy #1: And I don’t want to be gay about it, but it was love at first sight.
Guy #2: Dude, that’s pretty gay.
Guy #1: Yeah, it is rather gay.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Heather
Along With Veronica Mars Totally Getting Raped
Girl #1: No, I gave it up. I don’t paint at all anymore.
Girl #2: No?
Girl #1: I never got anything at all out of it, whatsoever.
Girl #2: That’s too bad.
Girl #1: Yeah, it’s one of the most tragic things in my life.
–Manhattan-bound L train
Overheard by: Rick
Which Would’ve Been Kinda Nice If It Weren’t for the Spurs
Marathon runner: … And then, next thing I know, my father’s cowboy boots are stuck in my butt.
Friend: Really? Wow…
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: lee
