Archive for 2021

A Tree Grows in Wednesday One-Liners

Father to daughter: Girl, whatchu doing? You tryin’a go to cross the bridge? You tryin’a go to Brooklyn? You want some cheesecake? Some crack?

–Centre St & Park Row

Overheard by: Barry P.

NYU social planner: I wanted to get all the freshmen out of the city for a little so I took them to Brooklyn.

–Main Building, NYU

Girl on cell: I’m not going to Brooklyn sober!

–12th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So are you in town this weekend or in Brooklyn?

–39th & 8th

Overheard by: The Lovely Miss Katie

Chick: Do you know the rules for being in Brooklyn?

–Law office, 54th & 5th

Overheard by: The legal intern

Bill Batson: It’s like the Native Americans all over again. Brooklynites, we’re indigenous. And now Manhattan wants Manifest Destiny.

–Vanderbilt & Dekalb, Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer

Little boy: I’m not going to Brooklyn! It’s stupid!

–110th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist: I don’t like this train line. On the L line they have benches so that you can kneel down and pray… And they don’t have crevices digging into your ass and shit.

–1 train

Tourist girl: Let’s go to the Upper Wet Side.

–Palace Theatre, Broadway

Tourist: You haven’t been raped and stabbed ’til you’ve been raped and stabbed in New York.

–Central Park

Dude with huge backpack, clutching a map: Sometimes you just don’t want to see a huge ball of twine, y’know? It’s, like, 200 miles away. [Guy next to him nods head vigorously.] 

–Manhattan-bound L train

Middle-aged tourist on cell: No, we gotta go to Penn Central. Trust me, I know this place — we gotta get to Penn Central.

–Penn Station

Look, the Chips are Red!

Columbia student #1: Would you like a free cookie from the Columbia anti-Socialist club?
Columbia student #2: Shouldn’t that be “earn a cookie”?

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Mary Phillips-Sandy

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes 

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” — Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” — Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?’ ” — Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding’ ” — clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” — sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.’ ” — Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” — Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” — Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” — eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” — Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” — ilemanzer

Click here to see the new Headline Contest