Archive for 2021

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Cashier: Yes.
Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sorry.
Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I’m sleeping with a dominatrix. And it’s all true.

–Whole Foods

Your Editors All Just Became Strong Black Women

Girl #1: So Lauren had this little marshmallow dog, and we were playing charades, right, waiting for Becky’s play? One of my friends put his plate down ’cause it was his turn and we hear, like, this fft-fft noise and we see the fucking dog take off with the plate that was bigger than her, just dragging it on the ground.
Girl #2: That is so cute!
Girl #1: Oh, Jenny, the guy whose turn it was was the guy who got married in the mall and just had a baby, that video I showed you. Becky’s ex. Got married in the mall.
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #3: White people…

–The Met