Archive for 2021

How Could You Not Love This Town?

Cashier: How are you?
Cus­tomer: Do you want the hon­est an­swer?
Cashier: Yes.
Cus­tomer: I feel like the busi­ness end of a don­key. I am ex­treme­ly hun­gover and did a moun­tain of co­caine last night. Now I have to make din­ner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is try­ing to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sor­ry.
Cus­tomer: And the woman I love is in an­oth­er state preg­nant with her ex-boyfriend’s ba­by, and I wish the ba­by was mine. And I’m sleep­ing with a dom­i­na­trix. And it’s all true.

–Whole Foods

Your Ed­i­tors All Just Be­came Strong Black Women

Girl #1: So Lau­ren had this lit­tle marsh­mal­low dog, and we were play­ing cha­rades, right, wait­ing for Beck­y’s play? One of my friends put his plate down ’cause it was his turn and we hear, like, this fft-fft noise and we see the fuck­ing dog take off with the plate that was big­ger than her, just drag­ging it on the ground.
Girl #2: That is so cute!
Girl #1: Oh, Jen­ny, the guy whose turn it was was the guy who got mar­ried in the mall and just had a ba­by, that video I showed you. Beck­y’s ex. Got mar­ried in the mall.
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #3: White peo­ple…

–The Met