Boy, 7: Daddy, I wanna see the Empire State Building.
Father: Sorry, son. That’s way uptown and we’re headed downtown.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Mignemi
Archive for April, 2022
She Bought Him a Water Fountain
Girl: But you’re not black.
Guy: You treat me like I’m black.
–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street
Overheard by: Christopher R. Weingarten
Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
…on This Block?
Female tourist: Oh, look! American Apparel!
Friend: Is that the only one?
–5th & 19th
Overheard by: nate
Mommy’s Little Angel
Kid in middle of snowy street: Mom, do you want to make a snow angel with me?
Mom: No.
Kid: Screw you!
–Mercer & Spring
Overheard by: camdenrose
Let Me Get This Straight: You Think Two Inches Is Big?
Pizza dude, about patron who just left: He hasn’t killed anyone yet, but…
Cop: Oh, no he has. He went to prison for manslaughter. He’s got a record this thick. (indicates 2 inches)
–Artichoke Pizza
The Bouncer Made Them Wait Two Hours
Bimbette tourist: Oh my god! What’s that? It looks like a cool, underground club or secret hideout.
Friend: Um, that’s the entrance to the subway.
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: office peon adopted a dog!
Takes Years to Learn There Is No Real World
Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Living a fantasy
Stacy London: Ooooo…
Obese 40-something Puerto Rican hoochie in black tube top: Hey, watch where you’re going.
Little blonde teen: Sorry. Didn’t realize you were late for your episode of “what not to wear.”
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: Jekke
Wednesday One-Liners Cunt Hardly Wait
Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I’m afraid of the power of my own vagina.
–1 Train
Overheard by: westchester girl
Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom’s vagina.
–New York Harbor
Overheard by: Barry P.
Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Highstein
Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Very large black man: My penis’ jus’ as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)
–A Train
