Archive for June, 2022

Jeez, Who Wouldn’t Want Devastating Vortices?

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that’s a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I’d used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you’d just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we’re already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Lynne

That’s More Like a Commune

Guy: At some point, the fucking union of New York City deli workers must have met to decide breakfast would no longer be cheap.
Girl: You think they have a union or something?
Guy: Yeah, it’s called Chinatown.

–Water & Pine

How Shirley Temple Ended Up at the Party

20-something guy to female friend leaving house party: If you see Sophia, say hi to her. She’s never been to our place before, so just let her know how to get in.
Female friend: I have no idea what she looks like!
20-something guy: She has curly hair!
Female friend, walking outside: I am so going to fuck this up.

–86th St & Lexington

I’m Sure He Has Just the Job for Her

Black guy #1: She’s beautiful. Somewhere between Faith Evans and Beyonce.
Black guy #2: Faith Evans? That don’t sound beautiful.
Black guy #1: Well you know, shape of the face is like Faith, and she’s got that hair and skin like Beyonce. But she’s really smaller than Faith. Her body is amazing. She’s Caribbean.
Black guy #2: Oh. Yes. Caribbean. They do good work.
Black guy #1: Mm-hmm. They do good work all right. Good work! 

–Madison Square Park

The Danger Of Marrying a Meat-and-Potatoes Guy

Woman #1: How many potatoes should I get? Like, three?
Woman #2, shrieking: Three? Three?! Are you serious? Have you seen your husband lately?
Woman #1, confused: Four?
Woman #1: He eats more than I eat in a year! He’s huge! You’ll need at least fifteen potatoes!
Woman #2: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Sarah