Translation: Beating Off to Maureen Dowd

Guy #1: What are you gonna do today?
Guy #2: Hang out, catch up on the Monday Times.
Guy #1: You mean the Sunday Times?
Guy #2: No. The Monday Times.
Guy #1: Oh. Okay, man. 

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: pb dot c 

Wednesday One-liners: the Resurrection

Woman: She said she want to make more than 8 dollars. I said, “Honey, you ain’t makin’ no 20 dollars unless you sell drugs.”

–Bowery

Overheard by: Stephanie Emilienburg 

Girl on cell: I think the truth is rotting into your brain, that’s why you’re getting migraines.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Rych 

Oh, Come On– Your First-Graders Aren’t That Bad.

Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look – the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?

–4 Train

Overheard by: Iris K.

When I Finally Have Sex, I’d Like It to Be with a Woman Who’s All Three

Chick: So, explain the difference to me.
Guy: ‘Cute’ is, like, the girl next door, ‘hot’ is, like, ‘I want to take her home right now!’ and ‘beautiful’ is, like, classic.
Chick: So, can a woman be all three?
Guy: In very rare situations…

–7^th St, between 1^st & 2^nd Ave

Better Get It To Go

Man: Excuse me, waitress!
Barista: I’m not a waitress.
Man: Kidding… What’s your name?
Barista: Alyenne.
Man: Do you spell that like “Alien”?

Barista glares.

Man: Kidding…

–168^th & Broadway

Wouldn’t That Be Statuary Rape?

Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.

–The Met

The Way He Keeps Drop-Kicking My Emotions…

Nerdy chick: Yeah, but when it comes to in-tangible objects, he’s really irresponsible.

–Fort Tryon Park

Quite the Fucking Contrary

Angsty chick: I’m so tired of fucking… chicken broccoli bake.
Chill gal pal: Fucking? Sex on the mind?
Angsty chick: I’m not going to change my vocabulary just because I had an experience!

–6 train

Overheard by: i hope you read this

A Page from Oh, the Places You’ll Blow!

Man on subway: Does this train go to 125^th Street?
Woman: No. It’s going downtown.
Man on subway: Oh, shit. I gotta go to 125^th Street and suck a dick to get some crack.

–1 Train

How Carson Daly Got into the Music Business

Teen boy #1: Change your ringtone! Change it! [Slams table.]Teen boy #2: Don’t you like that song? I love it.
Teen boy #1, to others: His phone rings all day — I’m sick of it. I have to have a new song. He gets that many calls, he should have one song for each girl so I’m entertained!

–Little Italy