Archive for September, 2022

Ew, There’s Shit on It?

Midday Sunday drunken bum #1: What you got goin’ on man? What you got?
Midday Sunday drunken bum #2: I ain’t got shit.
Midday Sunday drunken bum #1: Come on, man…
Midday Sunday drunken bum #2: I ain’t got nothin’ but my dick.

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Matt


But How Did We Breathe?

Ditzy teenage girl: Wait, are we on an island?
Nonplussed teenage boy: Yep.
Ditzy teenage girl: How did we get here?
Nonplussed teenage boy: The Lincoln tunnel.
Ditzy teenage girl: It goes underwater?
Nonplussed teenage boy: It goes underwater.

–1 Train


I Can’t Wait Not to Have One of My Own

Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?

–F train

Educated Wednesday One-liners

Man: I’m, like, the MacGyver of orthoscopic surgery.

–David Copperfield’s, York Avenue

Girl: I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone back to school. I’d probably be dead or in jail or pregnant and living in Brooklyn or something.

–F train

Overheard by: Heather 

Goth guy on cell: You can’t divide by infinity! Infinity is a concept, not a number! How many times do I have to tell you that? 

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Lesley Brooke 

Fat lady: I was Rubenesque before I was fat. 

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Dawn