Archive for 2022

Ashlee Finally Lets Jessica Have It

Teen girl: Have you ever wondered why there are no, like, sexy midgets?
Friend: No, but sometimes I wonder if you are slightly retarded.
Headline by: DomCar 

Runners-Up:
· “And somewhere, at that moment, a tiny discrimination lawsuit was being filed” — Marc
· “Awwww! Thanks! You said slightly!” — Emily
· “Being sexy isn’t necessary when your face if even with most people’s crotches” — theVixenNicole
· “Both problems are an unfortunate result of genetics.” — Aaron Stephenson
· “But, like, sexily so?” — Tom Dorey
· “By the end of the yellow brick road, the Tin Man was hungry, tired, and BIT-CHY!” — Alissa
· “Comebacks for when you are secretly in love with a midget.” — John
· “Happily, I Have a Fetish for Both” — anthony fiore
· “It’s Sexy Because It’s Like Having Sex With Kids, But They’re Legal!” — Bored Beyond Belief
· “She’s obviously never seen Wizard of Oz, that is ALL sex appeal” — Kevo
· “Thank God your mom pays me to hang out with you” — tiddlywinks
· “The Sexy Midget Union, recognizing retardation as a handicap, will not sue.” — Extra Character
· “The ‘My secret is: I’m marrying a dwarf’ deodorant ad — first take” — Amanda
· “There Are Sexy Midgets, You Probably Just Overlooked Them!” — Hobo Whisperer
· “They Prefer the Term “Erotically Challenged Little People”” — Shepcat
· “Yellow fever: Love of Asians. Smallpox: Love of midgets. Down Syndrome: That girl.” — erak
· “Yes, but I look good in a teddy AND can reach the top shelf” — Villelen
· “You Don’t Need to Be So Short With Me” — Matthew K Johnson

Honorable mentions:
· “But can slightly retarded be sexy?” — Virginia Wood
· “If she were fully retarded, she’d be banging all the unsexy midgets.” — AJ
· “So all those internet porn sites are wrong?” — Graz
· “The Sexy Ones Wouldn’t Want to Sleep with you Anyway” — Ian
· “The new MMILF: Mental Midgets I’d Like to F***” — Peter Parker

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday 1:00-Liners

Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn’t open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God!

–Meeker St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Simon

Girl on cell: Because I don’t function in the world of time so well.

–7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St

Overheard by: John C

Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think.

–JFK

Law student to another: What time is it in the real world?

–Fordham Law School

We’re From Gifu, You Ignorant Round-Eye

Guy to Chinese tourists: We call them cops. Citizens on Patrol, that’s one theory. You know London? In the U.K.? Over there they call them bobbies. In New York, cops. In London, bobbies.
British woman: In London they’re called coppers.
Guy: What?
British woman: In London they call them coppers. That’s where the word “cop” comes from.
Guy: She would know, because she’s from there. So in New York, cops. In London, coppers. Not to be confused with “cooper,” which is someone who plays with copper. So is this a lot like Shanghai?

–E train

Overheard by: kyetlen