Suit #1: Then Paul* just totally lost it, and threw his cellphone at Dave*.
Suit #2: My god! What was he thinking?
Suit #1: I don’t think Dave minded that much. He’s Canadian.
–5th & W 57th
Overheard by: Charlotte
Archive for 2022
Angelina Had Hoped to Get the Item in Exchange for Fellatio
Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It’s $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It’s 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It’s like a buck and something off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves without buying item)
–Staten Island Mall
In a Totally Unrelated Question, What Gets Out Blood?
Older black man: How’s you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I’m very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!
–Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights
Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!
NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!
–Starbucks corner, Washington Square
Shouldn’t We Be Dancing on a Bar Somewhere?
Girl #1: I feel weird today.
Girl #2: Me too.
Girl #1: I feel like I’m single again.
Girl #2 (squealing excitedly): Me too!
–N Train
Overheard by: sara n.
And You Thought Don Rickles Was Dead
Man on cell: What do we got?
Hobo: Get broke and die, that’s what we got!
A minute later.
Woman passerby: Who?
Hobo: My dick, that’s who!
–Jane & 8th
Overheard by: yassira
Depends– Will You Eat It Wearing That Shirt?
Ghetto guy #1: Yo man, you know what I want right now?
Ghetto guy #2: Pussy?
Ghetto guy #1: Naw man, one of those falafels.
Ghetto guy #2: Not pussy?
Ghetto guy #1, lifting hands up like scale: Man, falafel. Pussy. Pussy. Falafel. I’d take that falafel any day. (pause) Does that make me gay?
–Q Train
Does FHM Give You Hep‑A, Too?
Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?
–Midtown elevator
Ashley, We’re White!
Thuggette to random Latina girl: That’s right, keep walkin’ bitch! I’ll throw yo’ ass in the trash right ’bout now!
Thug: Can’t we act civilized just for like, five minutes?
Thuggette: Fuck you, nigga!
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Tim
And I’ve Always Thought It Was Important to Have a Strong Sense Of Where I’m Going in Life
Girl #1: Yeah, we’re engaged. He got me the ring and all, but I’m like, “it’s going to be like ten years until we actually get married.“
Girl #2: Oh, true.
Girl #1: I need to drop pre-calculus. It’s too hard and it’s going to lower my GPS.
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Nicole Yan
