Archive for 2022

Angelina Had Hoped to Get the Item in Exchange for Fellatio

Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It’s $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It’s 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It’s like a buck and something off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves without buying item)

–Staten Island Mall


Even More Now that I Know She Pees in Hobo Jars!

NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell — 20 bucks a pop.‘
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way — what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine — I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!

–Starbucks corner, Washington Square