Guy #1: I don’t remember how to sleep anymore, and I don’t even do drugs. No cocaine, nothing.
Guy #2: (blank stare)
Guy #1: Well enough about me, how do you like my shoes?
–7th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Peter
Archive for 2022
He’s Moonwalked Out Of the Babysitting Business, Hon
Woman #1: I wouldn’t mind Michael Jackson looking after my kids.
Woman #2: Two words: child molester.
Woman #1: Two words: Not guilty.
–1 Train
“Here’s your lunch, boss. No strings attached.”
Chick: Did you know Craigslist is in like a billion cities but only employs nineteen people?
Guy: That’s not that weird; what would people who work for Craigslist do?
Chick: I dunno…Moderate. Get Craig burritos.
–Williamsburg
Like That Awesome Hobo Who Urinated on Us Earlier!
Tourist: I read about this place in that New York book I got from the library.
Guy in line: Did it also tell you that when it’s a full moon everything is half off?
Tourist to friend: Dude! We should just both get the large, then.
Friend: I love this town and its little quirks like this.
–Gray’s Papaya
… So I Maced Him.
College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: Vicksburg
It Means He’s Up for Re-election
Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.
–Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: Chandini Davis
That Crowd at the Olive Garden Was Only Like Family
Blonde: Fine, whatever, then I’ll just paint a picture of your family so we never need to fucking talk about this again.
Brunette: You just don’t get it!
–The Met
Someday, He’ll Be Right
Blonde: Sean, Em just told us something very interesting about herself!
Queer: What? Oh my god! Did you finally have butt sex? I knew it! You let him stick it in your butt.
–Outside the W, Union Square
Overheard by: she had a nice butt…
Alfred the Human Polygraph Had Yet to Learn to Control His Power
Chick: You know, even though I’m 22, every time I go out, when I’m home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn’t.
–6 Train
Lady Gaga’s Less Popular Cousin?
Guy #1: Why is it so small?
Guy #2: That’s what gugu said.
Guy #3: Excuse me, but what in the world is a gugu?
–Times Square
