Four-year-old girl reading tag on the platform: B‑A-C-K-F-A‑T!
Supportive dad: Yeah, honey! That spells ‘back fat’!
–Ft. Hamilton Pkwy station
Overheard by: howardbannister
Archive for 2022
I’m Hoping TV Will Also Tell Me What I Should Do Next
Young woman #1: I just had a kid.
Young woman #2: You did?
Young woman #1: Yeah, that’s why I’m all blowed up.
–14th St & Ave B
Readers: Resolve This Theological Conundrum
Girl: …but it’s not like you have to be really religious to be a nun anyway, right?
–Clara Barton High, Crown Heights
White People: When You Guys Figure It Out, Let Us Know
Black teen #1: Word up, nigga.
Older black man: No, no, no, sister. Don’t use the N‑word. Please. Anything but that. Show some respect for your sisters and brothers.
Black teen #2: Fuck you, nigga! You’re not my father!
–B train
Overheard by: PDJ
Something Women Tell Each Other They Won’t Tell You
Girl #1: I don’t think I can go down on him anymore. He’s got, like, BO down there.
Girl #2: What, like, funky?
Girl #1: No… like he never learned to wipe properly.
Girl #2: [Stunned silence.]Girl #1: I know.
–B train
Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…
Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain’t gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Steven
Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!
–Virgil’s, W 44th St
Overheard by: Check, please!
Thugette: I’m just going to say, “Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself.”
–6 Train
Overheard by: i mean disrespect
20-something guy to friend: Man, you don’t understand. I really respect this broad…
–35th St & Lexington
Can We at Least Agree That Two Whites Don’t Make a Wong?
Highly agitated gay man, bleach-blond, indeterminately biracial: My mother was black! She died in 1999!
Middle aged black woman: Now, wait a second…
Highly agitated gay man: My mother was black and my father was Chinese!
Middle aged black woman: Now, you just don’t worry about them…
Highly agitated gay man: If I’m white, it’s because my black mother was white!
Middle aged black woman: Now you’re just bein’ crazy.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MPW
Wednesday One-Liners Are Pissed About Gay Bishops
Proselytizer: You’ve got to make sure you’re reading the King James Bible. God uses the other ones for conversion, but they’re ten percent less effective.
–Downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Mom: Look, this one’s from Jordan and Israel. That’s where Jesus is from!
–Mouse House, Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: LT$
Woman: I’m gonna give him a holy bath and all kinds of things.
–Columbus Bakery, 83rd & Columbus
Pamphlet lady: That’s why you’ve got no power! Where’s the mayor? He’s not Jesus! He’s not coming to save you!
–Penn Station
Soccer mom: …and then he asked if he could go to church with Grandma, and I said, “Well, I don’t think so, Ryan*. Daddy’s had to yell at you all night and spank you twice, and only good boys get to go to church.”
–Central Park
Overheard by: God would be proud
Hobo: The Holy Spirit will whup yo’ ass!
–Court St
Young passerby, to old man entering church: Good luck!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Russell Z
Why Is It That Men Can Only Do Things Halfway?
Little boy: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! (points at bus with excitement)
Young dad: Close buddy, close. “Bus.”
–77th & 3rd
Overheard by: Ali
Shanks for Sharing
Store guy: You want a baloney sandwich or something?
Dude: Nah. The only time I eat baloney is when I’m in the joint.
–Bodega, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Andy K.
