Archive for 2022

Dad Did All the Crying

Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn’t crying, I was twirling my hair.

–Mannes College of Music

Jeez, Who Wouldn’t Want Devastating Vortices?

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that’s a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I’d used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you’d just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we’re already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Lynne

That’s More Like a Commune

Guy: At some point, the fucking union of New York City deli workers must have met to decide breakfast would no longer be cheap.
Girl: You think they have a union or something?
Guy: Yeah, it’s called Chinatown.

–Water & Pine