Archive for 2022

Although It’s Possible Neve Campbell Is Still Alive

Preppy teen boy #1: No, dude. She was in love with horses, remember? She liked screwing them — that’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: No, no. That is not true. It was some accident having to do with horses.
Preppy teen boy #1: Yeah, exactly. She was screwing the horse, and then it fell on her. That’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: Dude, that’s so wrong.

–45th St

Overheard by: wow

I Looked Into The Abyss, and It Shit Itself

Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork!

–Metro-North, New Haven line

The First 31 Years Were Just a Blip

Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.

–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th

Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away