Archive for 2022

Seems Bats Lose Their Sonar When They Get Old

Old woman: Excuse me officer, could you please tell me where the New Jersey Transit trains are?
Cop lady: Up the stairs and make a left, can’t miss ’em.
Old woman: Which stairs?
Cop lady: Turn around.
Old woman: Are you sure?
Cop lady: Yeah, head up those stairs and make a left, there will be another officer up there behind the podium.
Old woman: So I only go up the one flight?
Cop lady: There is only one flight…Go up the stairs…when you get to the top…make a left.
Old woman: So I’m making a right, then going up the stairs…
Man: Jesus Christ, the fucking cop just told you like forty times! Are you fucking retarded? Go up the stairs, make a right!
Old woman: Well, wasn’t he rude!
Cop lady: Ma’am, would you like me to walk you up there?
Old woman: Oh no, I’ll be fine, thank you.
Cop lady: Have a nice day, ma’am.

The old woman then proceeded to walk in the completely opposite direction. Cop lady held it in for about 5 seconds before laughing.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: mshorty 

Sadly, the Wart, Green Skin, and Pointed Hat Were Effectively Invisible Compared with the Limp Wrist, Sashaying Hips, and Love of Shoes

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype.… Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Hipster or Homeless?

Guy: Did you know that there are homeless people who live underground in the abandoned subway stations?
Girl: You mean like underground people? Wait, I’ve heard of them, they have a weird name!
Guy: Like “underground people”?
Girl: No, I saw it on Felicity.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: peter 

Girl #1: Hey, I lived on the street with the street kids for like, six months. On the street. They were on drugs and stuff.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because it was fun…It was really only on weekends, though.

–St. Marks

Guy: I’m sick of these homeless hipsters. It’s like, you’re fucking
hipsters!

–St. Marks & 1st 

The Wednesday One-liners NYC Tour Guide

Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich homosexuals live.

–18th Street between 7th & 8th

Teenage kid: There are some hot Chinese bitches at this stop, son!

–Fulton Street G station

Overheard by: Thomas Bugarin 

Woman: Well, I’m in Soho now…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Davis McDavis 

Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By accident. I was coming back from La Guardia and the taxi driver said he was taking me on a shortcut.

–Starlight, Avenue A

Overheard by: Lukas 

Thug: Next stop: Ghettoville, USA! That’s real America, none of this Japanese-American bullshit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Village!

–A train

Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times building.

–41st & 8th construction site

Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a letter, I would begin, “Dear Ugliest Building in New York City”.

–Westin Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: Kayla Cagan 

Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Houston Street so it’s not in Soho. But I don’t know what the neighborhood is called.

–City Hall Park