Archive for 2022

New York City Is a Rich Cultural Tapestry.

Drunk black girl #1: Ew!Those plaid pants are fuckin ugly.
Drunk black girl #2: (laughs)
Queer non-athlete: Excuse me!
Drunk black girl #1: Yes?
Queer: My pants are not ugly and they are not plaid! Get it right, it’s madras!
Drunk black girl #1: Right… and madras is a form of plaid!
Drunk black girl #2: Haha! Dumbass.
Queer: Yeah, well you bitches are just racist!
Drunk black girl #2: What the hell does race have to do with this? You’re pants are ugly. Face facts.
Queer: Cause if I was black you wouldn’t have said anything!
Drunk black girls, simultaneously: If you were black you wouldn’t be wearing those ugly ass pants!
(queer stomps down train car, finds a seat and sulks. Drunk white girl approaches black girls)
Drunk white girl: Hey, guys.
Drunk black girl #1: Sup?
Drunk white girl: I feel bad, that was my friend, you know.
Drunk black girl #2: Oh. Well, you should be a good friend and tell him not to come out dressed like that.

–Crowded L Trian

Overheard by: Drunk and Laughing Friend who totally agrees


No, Seriously — Let’s Hit It

Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Man, what are you excusing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chinese lady: Fuck me? Ok, take‑a off the pant.

Stairway in silence.

Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Sure thing, ma’am. I’m sorry.
Chinese kid: And that’s why we respect our elders. 

–Canal St station

…Don’t Tell Me You Germans Aren’t Organized!

Elderly Jewish woman trying to get a passport: No, I don’t have a copy of my marriage certificate. I got married in a concentration camp.
Overzealous German bureaucrat: Well, you need to have a copy of your marriage license.
Elderly Jewish woman: Are you kidding me? They won’t even let me show my kids where I got married because I don’t have documentation. What’s the address I should write to? You have that there?

–German Consulatt

Overheard by: Megan


I’ve Never Been More Proud.

Angry 20-something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused-looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20-something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused-looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Krystal

Here’s President Clinton to Explain

Girl #1: As long as I be living my life by the ten commandments, I’m good.
Girl #2: Didn’t you fuck with Tanishia’s man?
Girl #1: Bitch, everybody knows the ones bout sex don’t count!

–1st Ave & 48th St

Overheard by: Claire