Archive for 2022

He Should Be Hiring Skywriters

Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Missy 

As Opposed to the “Fuck Me Gently Later” Way

Girl: …yeah, I can’t wait. He is kinda cute.
Guy: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, in a sort of “fuck me hard, fuck me now” kind of way. But that’s what I’m looking for right now.

20 min. later:

Guy: I really like him. He is a good guy.
Girl: He’s an alcoholic and insane! He’s great though, I like him too. 

–2 train

Chick: I just have to go home and masturbate tonight. An orgasm would feel so good right now.

–42nd Street station

Overheard by: The Original Danger 

… Ma’am

Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you.

–33rd & Park

Overheard by: Erik

Wednesday One-Liners, As Seen on Lost

Drunk blonde girl on cell: I’m here! I’m here! I don’t know where I am!

–St. Marks Place

Overheard by: Kristin

Guy on cell: I’m coming up Bedford, and… I don’t know, on the corner of Bedford and Jews.

–Bedford & Heyward

High school boy on cell: Where am I at? I’m in morning… Uh, morning wood park.

–Morningside Park

Overheard by: wirehead

Teenage girl on cell: I don’t know where I am … I’m just here!

–Sheridan Square


It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

You’re Welcome, Grasshopper

Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Young professional’s friend