Archive for 2022

Now Where Do Crackheads Figure Into This Schema?

Girl: I think I’m going to be a lumberjack tomorrow.
Friend: But then how will we tell you apart from the hipsters? I mean really, what’s the difference between a lumberjack and a hipster?
Girl: One of them has a job.

–Citi Field


Wednesday One-Liners Wear Their Rubbers

Girl: Those weather websites are so unreliable. They all say different things. The other day, I went to one, and it was like, ‘Partly sunny.’ Okay. Then I went to another, and it was like, ‘Party cloudy.’ They’re all different.

–NYU residence hall, Lafayette St

Overheard by: Rusty V 

Guy selling umbrellas: Acid rain in the forecast today. Acid rain all day. Get your umbrellas!

–86th & Lex

Overheard by: Wondering what the umbrellas were made out of

Girl: The rain is the tears of Republicans.

–Hamilton Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: alex

High school chick on cell: The glaciers are gonna melt and the sea is gonna rise, and then you best hope it doesn’t rain… I don’t know, I haven’t read that far yet.

–Spring St

Overheard by: Dan

Suit on cell: It’s raining like a whore!

–Penn Station

You Complete Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…

–10th St & 1st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”

–Park Ave & 29th St

Overheard by: petey

Wednesday One-Liners Lack Human Companionship

Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo’self!

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Woman to dog: You’re not paying attention, now are you?

–83rd & Broadway

Woman to her two dogs: Sit down… And don’t steal anything.

–Pet store, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that’s not appropriate.

–70th & Amsterdam

Man to dog: J‑Lo, come here!

–Union Square Dog Run

Overheard by: Buns

Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!

–Daschund Day, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rpk

Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!

–10th & 6th

Overheard by: CarrieBoo