Archive for 2023

Isn’t This an at-Home Conversation?

Little girl, squeezing mom’s breast: Mom, what are these for?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: Mom, did I suck on them when I was littler?
Mom: Shhh…
Little girl: You know, Mom, like a cow? [Bends over and pretends to drink.]Mom: Like a cow?
Little girl: Yeah, did I milk you like a cow?

–N train

Quite the Contrary

Girl #1: I’m crazy? You’re the one that thinks your stuffed animals are having extramarital affairs just because they have Irish accents!
Girl #2: Their Irish accents have nothing to do with why I think they’re having affairs.

–Grand Central

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.


Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.


Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

Clearest Explanation of Scientology To-Date

Girl on cell: It would be like if you made a robot with the sole purpose of killing someone you didn’t like. It wouldn’t be the robot’s fault that it killed the person, it would be your fault, because you built the robot. Unless, of course, somehow the robot had a mind of its own.

–63rd & Lex

Overheard by: Zglass

Wednesday One-Liner, Where Are You?

British guy: Oh, Toronto. Is that near Japan?

–L Train

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Dad to small children: Look kids, this is Central Park!

–Washington Square Park

Gray-haired suit to colleagues: They’re going to Spain, Morocco, and Madrid. (pauses) Madrid is a country, right?

–Uptown A Train

Tourist on the corner of 45th and Broadway, pointing in random direction: Times Square is that way!

–45st & Broadway

Hefty white man in the back of pedicab: Alright, keep going… (long pause, then loudly) But you’re wrong!

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli