Hobo: Spare some change?
Yuppie woman: Sorry. But would you like some prosciutto with melon?
Hobo: Yeah, okay.
–96th & CPW
Overheard by: Jill
Archive for 2023
Staten Island Just Keeps Getting Classier
Staten Island chick: These kids used to go the playground by my house and wind a rope around the merry-go-round and then tie it to the bumper of their car and drive away so the thing would spin outta control – like really fast – until one time some girl got thrown like 20 feet and she died. Then they took it out.
Brother #1: What? Wait, she died? How old was she? Like a kid? How old? How old?
Brother #2: She was 92. She had a full life so you really can’t feel all that bad.
–50th & 6th
And Eating Activia, Like Jamie Lee Curtis
Serious, conservative, aspiring journalist to another: Something I’ve been working on a lot, I might not write it for publication but at least for my own enjoyment, you know, I’ve been writing a report on the culture of defecation.
Other journalist: Nice! I’ve been thinking a lot about that.
–In Line for Guggenheim Museum
She’s Got the Whole Package
Teen girl #1: Damn, I’m so glad I went out with you and not your
brother.
Teen girl #2: Aw baby, me too.
Teen girl #1: I mean, you have like three times the personality and
ten times the looks.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know!
–Starbucks, 6th & Waverly
Wednesday One-Liners Do It in the Road
Conductor, leaning out window to couple making out: Get a room!
–Canal St station
Overheard by: simon
Eerily calm guy: You fucked me. You fucked me in Midtown.
–48th & 5th
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Hot dog vendor, about girl moaning on cell: They’re having sex on the corner, people! Don’t look!
–Main St & 38th Ave, Queens
Drunk girl to kissing friends: You know, we can, like, find a place for you to make out.
–Prince St
Sorostitute: I had sex right there.
–64th & 5th
Then Can I Be…Your Apprentice?
Hobo: Any change? Anything you got to give?
Suit: I wish I had something to give, but pretty soon, I’m going to be like you.
Hobo: My man, you cannot be this awesome.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
How About Some Frank Sinatra That Will Leave You Only Mildly Depressed?
20-Something woman #1: Wow, classical music makes me think the world’s all happy and shit.
20-Something woman #2: Yeah.
20-Something woman #1: I need a nice, trashy rap song about hos and shooting to remind myself that life sucks.
20-Something woman #2: Seriously.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: slit your wrists while you’re at it
I’ll Take that as a ‘Yes’
Guy #1: Have you been hitting the grass again?
Guy #2: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be orange?
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Jerry
…And a Pole Dancer!
Mom tourist : Hunny, hold the pole. Don’t you want to look like a New Yorker, not a tourist? All New Yorkers hold the pole cause they know what’s coming for them when the train stops.
Little tourist boy: Okay, mom. (holds pole) I’m a New Yorker!
–Manhattan-Bound F Train
Overheard by: Elina
…And What’s the Shortest Distance Between Two Points?
Blonde girl: I really like martinis. They are probably my favorite drink.
Other blonde girl: Do you really like olives or something?
Blonde girl: No, I like to be drunk.
–43rd & Lexington
