Forty-Year-Old Wirgins

Asian guy #1: Dude, the Wii is so much better than the Cube.
Asian guy #2: No, the Cube is so much better!
Asian guy #3: Yeah, the Cube has so much more power, and the dynamics of the graphics…
Asian guy #2, interrupting: The graphics! They are soooo awesome!
Asian guy #1: Hey, guys? Why are we talking about video games?
Asian guy #3: Because we’re boys.
Asian guy #2: Nah…because we’re Asian.
Asian guy #3: Dude, if I could be Colossus it would be sooo cool, cuz I wouldn’t have to wear my glasses anymore!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Emma

Headline by: Doc Dan

Runners-Up:
· “And Have an Undersized Metal Penis!” — Patrick
· “Every Asian GirlÂ´s ParentsÂ´ Wet Dream!” — Ria
· “It Was at This Moment Kim Jong-il Selected His Son to Be His Successor” — What about NES?
· “Somewhere, the Mutant Sunspot Is Gently Weeping” — wirrrn

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Biggest Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8^th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77^th St & 1^st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh-looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip-hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

I Just Wear an Asian Mask to Attract Comments From Nice Men Like You

Random thug: How you doin’?
Asian girl: (ignores him)
Random thug: You Asian? Or are you Chinese?
Asian girl: Neither! (walks away)

–Queens

Overheard by: Long Island white boy

Tonight’s Movie: The Last Homorai

Black bag lady: Oh, look, I like this samurai boy here…
Attractive Asian man, passing: Ah, thank you for getting the cultural reference right!
Black bag lady: You married?
Attractive Asian man, walking away: No, I’m gay!

–Long Island City

Oh, Come On– Your First-Graders Aren’t That Bad.

Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look – the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?

–4 Train

Overheard by: Iris K.

At Least They Agree About a Silly Outfit

Proud Asian father to friend: And my little one here, he’s going to be a football player when he grows up!
Little Asian boy: No way, Jose! I’m gonna be a Power Ranger!

–East Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Frado

If You’ve Ever Had Kimchi, You’d Understand.

Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It’s downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!

–Canal St

Overheard by: InShock

None of Those Hand-Me-Down Genes for Me

Asian nerd #1: … Of course, ’cause I’d rather all of them have my DNA and not some other random person’s!
Asian nerd #2: No, of course, dude, I totally agree.

–NYU

It Means He’s Up for Re-election

Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.

–Chambers & Broadway

Overheard by: Chandini Davis

Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84^th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Asians’ Category