British art guy: You know what I love about Americans?
American art guy: What’s that?
British art guy: When I say the word ‘fag,’ they think I’m talking about smoking and not being homophobic. Even if I say, ‘I want to ass-fuck that fag,’ I can get away with it because I’m British.
–Soho
Extremely buff gay man: Oh my god, guys! We’re out fishing for anal!
Gay buddies, laughing: You’re sooooo right!
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Mimi
Student #1: I have a friend who is addicted to pregger porn.
Student #2: What is that?
Student #1: It is watching pregnant women getting fucked in the ass, it’s kind of interesting.
–Columbia University
Youngblood thug #1: Yo, I just came from the doctor and my shit was just violated.
Youngblood thug #2: Nigga, what you talkn’ bout?
Youngblood thug #1: He just grabbed my shit and told me to cough.
Youngblood thug #2: Yo dick?
Youngblood thug #1: Yeah, nigga!
Youngblood thug #2: Get the fuck outta here.
Youngblood thug #1, depressingly: Yeah, nigga.
Middle aged thug: That shit ain’t nothing. I had a colonoscopy or whatever the fuck it’s called.
Youngblood thug #1: What the fuck is that?
Middle aged thug: I don’t know, but the nigga went up my ass.
Youngblood thug #1 and #2: What the fuck?
Middle aged thug: Nah, but I’m not gonna front, though that shit tickled at first.
–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.
–11th & 2nd
Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.
–Post office, Park Slope
Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…
–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square
Overheard by: Carol
Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”
–Lafayette & Bond
Overheard by: jayloo
Blonde: Sean, Em just told us something very interesting about herself!
Queer: What? Oh my god! Did you finally have butt sex? I knew it! You let him stick it in your butt.
–Outside the W, Union Square
Overheard by: she had a nice butt…
Hipster chick #1: Augh! His ass is hairy!
Hipster chick #2: Hahaha, and disgusting! I would never, ever tap that.
Hipster chick #1: You can’t tap that — guys can only tap girls’ asses… Right?
Hipster chick #2: Sure. Probably. Yes. But when you hang out with a gay guy all day long, things like that get a bit hazy.
–Starbucks
Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W‑what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven’t you?!
Sober girl: I don’t even know what ‘cross the border’ means…
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C’mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!
–Lafayette & White
Overheard by: meanstreet
Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.
–48th & Madison
Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist