Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!
–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway
Overheard by: hallway passerby
Preppy teen boy #1: No, dude. She was in love with horses, remember? She liked screwing them — that’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: No, no. That is not true. It was some accident having to do with horses.
Preppy teen boy #1: Yeah, exactly. She was screwing the horse, and then it fell on her. That’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: Dude, that’s so wrong.
–45th St
Overheard by: wow
Woman: She had sex with a dragon. She had sex with a dragon! I keep seeing her and wantin’ to ask, “Yo, how’s the dragon?”
–Ollie’s, 69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nick Draven
Virgin-For-Life on cell: Did you vanquish the dragon?…Yo, I told you to vanquish the dragon! Dumb ass nigga. Damn.
–Gristedes, West Village
Overheard by: KoryD
Nanny to little boy: I think each country must have its own Tooth Fairy.
–5th & President, Park Slope
Overheard by: b
Hipster on cell: It’s cooler, and you’re a vampire. Ok, I get it.
–6th St & 1st Ave
Hipster chick with “valley girl” accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys’ confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, “Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat’s fur, and it feels good.”
–Washington Square Park
10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.
–34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Samantha
Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now – we both have cats!
–One World Financial Center
Overheard by: macgeekgrl
Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?
–60th St b/w Park & Madison
Overheard by: Adam B.
20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: J Cox
Conductor: This is Prince Street. Not Half-blood Prince Street, but Prince Street.
–N train
Overheard by: she later invited the passengers to debate whether snape was a criminal or a hero
30-year old fan: … And then he sprinkled magic dust over her throbbing vagina…
–Book release, Spring & Mercer
Overheard by: santos l. halper
Man to five-year-old son: Yeah, you know Harry Potter is now in this play in London where he plays a naked guy that has sex with horses? Comin’ to Broadway soon.
–Harry Potter Pl on Mercer St
Overheard by: i don’t THINK that’s how it goes actually…
Girl glancing at boy reading Deathly Hallows: Does Frodo die?
–Strings Attached Theater Company’s performance of Life As We Know It
Hipster girl: [Inaudible]… Sex with animals.
Hipster guy: You have sex with animals?
Hipster girl: I said I wish I had sex with animals.
Hipster guy: Oh, yeah.
–South St Seaport
Guy on phone: It’s probably something beyond the bestiality in why you didn’t get hired.
–4th & Lafayette
Overheard by: andy
Disembodied voice in crowd: Necrophilia, really?
–Times Square
Man: The thing is: my safety word is “No, harder, harder.”
–NY Comic Con
Girl: No, seriously, my parents used to have like a harness and a leash for me, because I used to run away in the airport all the time.
–Fordham Law School
Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.
–1st Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: Will
Guy: Great. She doesn’t even know me and already she thinks I have a produce fetish.
–Whole Foods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Hunter (aka,
Husband in theater: Water? I never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.
Wife, looking around, embarrassed: Go on, honey. Have another beer.
–Shakespeare in the Park, Delacourte Theatre
Overheard by: Heather Smaha
Brunette using computer: Have you ever posed naked?
Blonde: Yeah, my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me on the net.
Brunette: Really? What’s the URL?
Blonde: Animal boinks dot com*.
Brunette, finding site: Now what?
Blonde: Click ‘Tami*.‘
Brunette: Oh my god! Is that you?
Blonde: Yeah.
Brunette: You’re fucking a dog!
Blonde: My ex-boyfriend begged me for months to do that.
Brunette: I like man dick. I even like pussy… How could you fuck a dog, you sick bitch?
Blonde: Fuck you! At least I’m not a lesbian!
Brunette: At least I stick to my own species!
Blonde: Dyke!
Brunette: Sick bitch! You fuck pigs and horses, too?
Blonde: No, just dogs. It was my ex-boyfriend’s idea. And at least I’m not a lesbian.
Brunette: At least I’m not on the net with a pooch eating my cooch!
Chinese nerd-boy at next computer: This is the best conversation I ever heard in my life!
–Internet café, Mott St, Chinatown
Overheard by: Big Larry
Young punk #1: Where’s the fucking n train? Can we get NRW in this shit… (pause) So my friend was all coked out and fucking this girl in the ass, then he totally lost it and started pissing right in her asshole.
Young punk #2: Woah…did she notice?
Young punk #1: Of course she noticed, he was pissing in her fucking asshole! (train arrives) Oh, sweet, it’s the n!
Young punk #2: Yes! Astoria represent!
–Union Square, Waiting for the NRW
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist