Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight – it’s my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14^th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34^th St & 5^th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45^th & 8^th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

The 21^st Century Equivalent Of “I Bite My Thumb at You, Sir”

13-year-old skateboarder to friends: Suck my dick!
Friend #1: I like you, you’re my friend, and I’ll invite you to my birthday party, but I won’t suck your dick.
Friend #2: You provoke me with your boner.

–A Train

Overheard by: devon

I’m Supposed to Put This in My College Fund

Young boy #1: Today is the day your mother birthed you and you only got five dollars?
Young boy #2: We got troubles.

–Prospect Heights

You Make a Persuasive Case

Chick to friends: Where should we go for my birthday drinks?
Drunk chick, passing by: I want to go to your birthday drinks!
Chick: Um, I don’t know you.
Drunk chick: But you wanna know me! (proceeds to vomit)

–42^nd St & 10^th Ave

When He Was Reincarnated for the Fifth Time

Teacher: Does anyone know of the year 1732?
(class remains silent)
Teacher: I’ll give you a hint: it’s the year of someone’s birthday.
Girl: Jesus!

–Simon Baruch Middle School

Overheard by: the art major

The Angel Of Death Had Difficulty Sustaining Friendships

Suit #1: So I said to them “happy anniversary, here’s your cemetery plot.“
Suit #2 (astonished): What? You really bought them cemetery plots for their anniversary?
Suit #1: Yeah. I knew he was gonna drop soon, so I bought them.
Suit #2: Well, I guess it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: LF

…How Could You End a Sentence with a Preposition?

Ghetto girl: Yo, I didn’t realize your birthday was on the day you were actually born on.
Friend: Seriously?!

–E Train

Overheard by: Squiggle

Interestingly, This Is Exactly How Christianity Works

JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin’s birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don’t hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what’s the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I’m sooo sorry! Please don’t do this!

–Whole Foods, Union Square

When You’re Self-absorbed, Every Day is a Celebration

Girl #1: Happy birthday, Mira!
Girl #2: Happy birthday! Yay, it’s my birthday too!…in August.

–L’Orange Bleue, Broome Street

Overheard by: Sasha Vaughan

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I’m not that gay!

–7^th Ave & 6^th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I’m twenty-seven. I’ve never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don’t remember who I’ve slept with.

–21^st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can’t. It’s my cousin’s chihuahua’s birthday party.

–28^th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Birthdays’ Category