Big Guido, yelling at female bystanders after minor traffic accident: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and get something to do… go suck a dick somewhere!
Woman bystander: Well, I’d suck you if you weren’t so small…
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: kerstin
Teen girl #1: Yeah, so John totally wants me to give him head even though I barely know him and we’ve never even hooked up.
Teen girl #2: That’s so weird.
Teen girl #1: I know! It’d be such a slutty thing to do. And I’ve never even given a blowjob before.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, totally.
Teen girl #1: Then again, I feel like giving head is something I should do before I turn 16.
Teen girl #2: Good point.
Teen girl #1: So I’m totally going to do it.
Teen girl #2: Awesome, I can give you tips!
–Metro-North
Worried girl: I don’t know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how’s New York?” I didn’t respond. It’s weird.
Guy: Does she think you’re a dyke?
Worried girl: I don’t know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don’t know why she’d think that.
Other girl: You should’ve responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I’m just sucking on some guy’s dick right now.”
–Meatpacking District
Dude: I saw that movie at that sex party — the one where Jim got a blowjob by a chick that was not his girlfriend.
Chick: Oh my god, that sounds awesome — I love it already!
Dude: I know, it’s awesome!
–LaGuardia & W 3rd
Black girl on bluetooth headset: You want everyone to suck yo dick, dontcha? Dontcha?! You want everyone to suck yo dick!
–W. 59th & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Alexandra
Twelve-year-old guido, near tears, doubled over in the street screaming on his cell phone: You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job! You sucked Charlie’s dick last night, you blow job!
–Brooklyn
20 something blonde on cell: … Is that normal? [Pause.] No, it’s different every time, like it almost disappears… Then another time its all swinging and shit… Is that normal? [Listens.]Oh no! Thats just fine, like it gags me when … [Mumbles.]
–LIRR
Manager to employee: You are a cock guzzling thundercunt!
–Chelsea
Gay guy, to his friend: I mean…I may suck dick but at least I don’t take it up the ass.
–16th & 9th
Woman: Short of blowing him in MoMa, I really don’t know how to get his attention.
–A Train
Overheard by: Why MoMa?
13-year-old skateboarder to friends: Suck my dick!
Friend #1: I like you, you’re my friend, and I’ll invite you to my birthday party, but I won’t suck your dick.
Friend #2: You provoke me with your boner.
–A Train
Overheard by: devon
Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?“
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
Black dude, yelling: I suck dick! I suck dick! I suck dick!
Brassy white chick walking past: Whatta you want, a medal? I suck dick too.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Toothless bag lady: I don’t know what it is with this town anymore. I guess no one likes blowjobs. I give great blowjobs! Maybe I’m charging too much.
Cop: What are you charging?
Toothless bag lady: $100.
Cop: That’s pretty steep…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Spiney
Man shouting to woman nearby: Yo! You better hurry up. I got you a ride. I’m going straight to the bridge, and I ain’t stopping for no crack!
–Amsterdam Ave & 92nd St.
Overheard by: Dana
Girl in dress to friends: And that was the first time I sucked dick for crack…
–10th St & Ave A
Man to another as he walks away: Don’t spend it all in one crackhouse.
–SoHo
Woman, yelling at man twenty feet ahead: Hey! Don’t walk away from me. At least you got crack yesterday!
–Broadway & 96th St
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist