Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Blackberry’ Category

Meet New York City’s Most Functional Couple

Male suit: See, look at her! (points at woman on BlackBerry) Women are more likely to get killed while texting than men. Men are always aware of their surroundings.
Female suit: No, men just can’t walk and text at the same time. Women are better at multi-tasking.
Male suit: Alright, since you’re so good at multi-tasking, suck my dick and make me a sandwich.
Female suit: I’ve got news for you. If you keep eating sandwiches, even hookers won’t want to suck your dick.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Overheard by: Ashley

Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It’s really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it’s Buddha! It’s Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I’m 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4‑year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I’mma hustla! I’mma, I’mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

Wednesday Mile-Highliners

Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I’m your pilot, T.J. Maxx.

–JetBlue Airplane

Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.

–LaGuardia Flight

Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure.

–JFK

Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Death Comes As a Relief to New Yorkers

Suit #1, looking at his BlackBerry: I have a 10:00 and a board meeting at 1. How about 10:30?
Suit #2, looking at his BlackBerry: Conference call at 10:30. 11?
Suit #1: I’m expecting a call then. 11:45?
Suit #2: Appointment downtown at 12:30, need travel time. 11:30?
Suit #1: I can’t commit to 11:30. How about 9:30?
Suit #2: 9:30’s now.

–E Train

Overheard by: Chuckell

Wednesday M1-Liners

Bored bus driver: This is Eldar Avenue. Next stop is Kissena boulevard, and for those of you wearing headphones: blah blah blabbity blah.

–Q44

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Animated BoltBus driver: If you’re talking on your BlackBerry, your strawberry, or to Halle Berry… Well, in that case, let me know…

–BoltBus

Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving to the rear end of the bus. The sooner you move, the sooner we move. Thank you for your cooperation. (long pause) Those who are cooperating… ladies and gentlemen, please step in. Watch the closing door. It’s about to close riiiiight now.

–101 Bus, Harlem

Bus driver: Now the road may get a bit bumpy. Just keep in mind it’s not my fault, it’s not the bus’s fault, it’s the asphalt.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Bus driver: On your left you’ll see men wearing orange vests, they are volunteers, they are helping their community. (long pause) They entered through the back of the bus or jumped over the turnstiles, and got fined. They couldn’t pay the ticket, so the city lets them work it off, only for a day or two, so they don’t have to pay the ticket. So don’t enter through the back of the bus or jump the turnstiles.

–Q43

Bus driver: Please keep your voices low when using your cell phones. Last week a woman refused to heed that advice, so I stranded her at the first rest stop. That was my mother.

–BoltBus

Overheard by: MilitantLezbian