He Thinks the Cones are Sort of Kitschy

Bodega guy: Hey, weren’t you at the Mets game?
Black guy: I’d rather be at a motherfuckin’ Ku Klux Klan rally.

–Bodega, Market & Monroe

Overheard by: benjamin lightle 

Or You Could Swallow a Twinkie

Guy #1: I don’t know man, I thought when I had kids I would no longer want another woman. I thought it would end you?
Guy #2: Yeah yeah, it never ends.
Guy #1: If kids doesn’t do it, how do you make it stop?
Guy #2: Cupcakes.

–Bodega, 3^rd Avenue & 10^th Street

He’s Only Happy When It Rains

Male customer: Yeah, give me one of them Win for Life tickets.
Female customer: Is that a good one?
Male customer: Woman, is you crazy? You know they all bad!

–Bodega, 157^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Evan S.

That’s Like 7 in Dog Beers

Deli guy: Getting some beers?
Customer guy: Yup. Three for me and one for my dog.

–Bodega, Amsterdam & 109^th

The Next Episode of Everybody Hates Chris

Kid: Mama! Can I get these chips?
Woman: Uh-uh! That shit is a dollar! That means no change! Put it back! [Turns to friend] I can’t believe these damn kids with my fuckin’ money! I work eight days a week! And I ain’t suckin’ no dick!
Friend: Mmm-hm.

–145^th St & Edgecombe Ave

Overheard by: Sam

Where Is She Working???

Hoochie: I’ve been working for her for seven years. And I’ve been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn’t call no cops. It was self-defense. She’d go to jail.

–Bodega, Bensonhurst

Just Making Conversation

Cashier: That’s $1.50.
Drunk: You’re killing me, man! Hey, do you know if the liquor store’s still open?
Suit: You don’t?

–10^th St & 4^th Ave

This Medal Smells Funny

Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.

–Bodega, Houston & 6^th

“…and my identical sister goes to AMDA.”

Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.

–Park Slope bodega, 5AM

Isn’t That Amy Bishop?

Asian girlfriend, yelling: Get out of my store! You always make customers angry!
Asian boyfriend, yelling back: You are the professor of psycho!

–Bodega, Upper West Side