Guy to friend: you should come by tomorrow, I’m having a house party, there’s going to be weed and meth.
Friend: You shouldn’t do meth, it’s messed up.
Guy: Yeah, but it’s Thanksgiving.
–Bar None, The Village
Overheard by: Seth
Archive for the ‘Celebrations/Parties’ Category
…When I Was a Kid
Guy #1: Wow, I can’t believe we’re at the Macy’s parade, I used to watch this on tv as a kid.
Guy #2: I used to watch this on tv in jail.
–34th St
Overheard by: Heibi
How Shirley Temple Ended Up at the Party
20-something guy to female friend leaving house party: If you see Sophia, say hi to her. She’s never been to our place before, so just let her know how to get in.
Female friend: I have no idea what she looks like!
20-something guy: She has curly hair!
Female friend, walking outside: I am so going to fuck this up.
–86th St & Lexington
…But Won’t Your Grandma Be Wearing the Same Thing?
College girl: I have nothing to wear to the party tonight.
College guy: You could wear that thing you wore last night.
College girl: I can’t do that! Plus, it’s a theme party.
College guy: Well, you could wear that naked thing…?
College girl: Do you think I could get away with that?
College guy: Well, it’s lace, so it’s sort of Victorian.
–6 Train
Overheard by: sort of…
Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time
Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.
–33rd St, Astoria
Overheard by: Ferna
Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”
–Broadway & 72nd St
NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.
–Borders
Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.
–Astoria
You’re Invited to My Circle Jerk
30-something #1: What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?
30-something #2: Getting high and masturbating.
30-something #1: Man, married life is great.
–Palladium Gym, NYU
Headline by: Pseudonym
Runners-Up:
· “Because she’s out shopping for a vibrator” — trish
· “He celebrates Palm Sunday the same way” — Kate
· “He’s An Up & Comer” — Rod W
· “Little Johnny took the comeback “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” a little too seriously.” — Cloud
· “When Harry Met Righty” — Vasyl
But That Was the Theme of the Party!
Girl #1: Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long! You didn’t come to my party!
Girl #2: I know! I was high!
–St. Mark’s
Overheard by: Aearrin
The American Electorate, in a Nutshell
NYU boy: What are you guys doing tonight?
NYU girl: We might be going to a frat party in Queens.
NYU boy: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
NYU girl: You wanna go?
NYU boy: Yeah, sure.
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser
20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight – it’s my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
I Expect Steady Progress Toward Quiet Desperation
Seven-year-old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven-year-old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!
–83rd & Park
