He’s a Little Too Chubby for Me

Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you’ve seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha!

Translated from the Chinese.

–Flushing store

Overheard by: Ting

No, Seriously — Let’s Hit It

Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Man, what are you excusing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chinese lady: Fuck me? Ok, take‑a off the pant.

Stairway in silence.

Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Sure thing, ma’am. I’m sorry.
Chinese kid: And that’s why we respect our elders.

–Canal St station

These Chairs Are Really Uncomfortable

Old Chinese lady: Let’s go in here!
Old white guy: It’s a fucking Door Store! We don’t need a fucking door.
Old Chinese lady: They sell furniture!
Old white guy: Then they should call it fucking Furniture Store.

–33^rd & Park

Overheard by: Mary Beth

Poo Poo Platter

Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.

–W Train

Teen Wolf III Was More of an Educational Film

Man dressed as a werewolf: You look like you have some Native American heritage, maybe Mohawk.
Chinese man: I’m Chinese.
Man dressed as a werewolf: Well, Chinese is pretty much the same as Native American, they have the same spirit.
Chinese man: Sort of.

–The Slaughtered Lamb

Unspoiled by Western Ways?

Tourist #1: We should visit Chinatown.
Tourist #2: Why?
Tourist #1: We can see real Chinese people in their natural habitat.

–Subway station, West 4^th St

Fine, Get All Master Po on Me

Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don’t you?

–Main St

Eh, the Japanese Are the White People of Asia

Asian girl: Let’s get sushi.
Asian guy: I don’t like sushi.
Asian girl: You don’t like sushi? What kind of Asian are you?
Asian guy: Chinese.
Asian girl: But there’s even white people who like sushi!

–NYU

Overheard by: I like sushi

Sometimes We Feel Bad for Mocking Canadians… And Sometimes Not

Chinese-Canadian girl: Where are we going next?
Mom: Chinatown.
Girl: I thought Chinatown was in Canada…?

–Empire State Building

The Joy Luck Wednesday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: I’m sure she wants to castrate me. (pause) Remember her Asian friend, well… (pause) Yeah, I hit that. (pause, then uncontrollable laugh) I gots the yellow fever!

–59^th St & 11^th

Chinese brother to sister: All Asians get off at this stop. (looking out window) See? They’re all Asian. (pause) Oh, wait, there’s one English guy.

–Grand Street Stop, D Train

Overheard by: Justin W

Asian girl on cell: You know how people say all Asians look the same? Well, I realized something today. All white people look the same to me – I honestly can’t tell them apart!

–Port Authority

20-something Asian girl on cell, in perfect American English: So, I just got welcomed to America for the second time today. Are my clothes that… (with disgust) Asian?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: RedShikari

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Chinese’ Category