Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

He’s a Little Too Chubby for Me

Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you’ve seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha! 

Translated from the Chinese.

–Flushing store

Overheard by: Ting

Just Two Cagneys, a Lacey and Three Kates

Security lady: …Oh, I know her. I heard she don’t have no teeth no more.
Guy: Heh…nope.
Security lady: Good for suckin’ dick.
Guy: Heh, heh…yep.
Security lady: Bet that’s right up your alley, ain’t it?
Guy: I ain’t got no alleys.

–New York Public Library, West 53rd Street

We’ve Determined You Might Accidentally Eat a Key

Chick: Excuse me, how much is it to use the computers?
Clerk: Two-fifty for 15 minutes.
Chick: So, how much is it for an hour?
Clerk: Ten dollars.
Chick: No, it’s not!
Clerk: … Yes, it is.
Chick: No way! It’s not! Stop lying!
Clerk: You know what? You can’t use the computers. Get out.

–Computer cafe, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Tech Monkey

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Ferna

Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”

–Broadway & 72nd St

NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.

–Borders

Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.

–Astoria