Wednesday One-Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4^th & Bedford Ave

She’s Gonna Become One Nasty Pumpkin

Girl: Oh my God, you guys. I still have my Friday panties on.
Guy: You’d better hurry up and get home; there are only two hours before it’s Sunday.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

Eh, Either That or Good & Plenty

Skanky punk girl: Aren’t you guys a little 5^th avenue for this place?…
Girl in scarf, excitedly: Ooooh, we’re 5^th avenue?

–MARZ Bar, 2^nd Ave & 1^st St.

Overheard by: Arthur

Which Goes Well with My Skin

Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn’t come it any other colors. Just beige.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: misskitty

If Youth Only Knew; If Age Only Could

Guy: Your fly is unzipped.
Girl: Oh…
Oldish lady: Easy access, kid! Goodness, you should be fucking already!

–Christopher St

Dude, You’d Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2^nd Ave & 4^th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Weren’t You Jamaican Yesterday?

Teenager: I don’t know if I would wear a fur coat, ever.
Friend: I know I would, just as long as it wasn’t raccoon…raccoons are just gross.
Hobo with heavy Russian accent: In mother Russia raccoon wear you!

–LIRR

Here Comes Return Season

Guy: This sweater is huge!
Girl: Get fat.
Salesguy: Ha, ha! Wow, I needed that.

–Bloomingdale’s, 59^th & 3^rd

Have You Forgetten Isadora Duncan?

Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it’s pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won’t be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.

–167^th St

And Today It’s Me

Man in full clown uniform: Come on, sweetie.
Lady friend in nice skirt, blouse, and heels: God, this is so awkward.
Man in full clown uniform: Look, I have to work hard so that at least one of us looks good.

–79^th & Broadway

Overheard by: tickled passerbyer

Overheard In New York

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