Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad-retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!
–52nd St & Madison
Columbia chick: … And what I’m really interested in studying is how computers are for us what slaves were to 19th century slaveholders.
Columbia dude: That’s very interesting.
Columbia chick: I mean, the way we treat them like commodities…
–Columbia University
Man #1: I don’t know, do they have windows in Alaska?
Man #2: You mean like Microsoft Windows?
Man #1: No, I mean like windows.
–N platform, Union Square
White teen, grabbing heavy-looking computer monitor from black teen: Fuck, just give it to me, you whiner. You’re going to drop it and we’ll be screwed, you fucking baby.
Black teen: Bitch, chill, what has been with you lately? Lately you’ve been acting like you got your white boy period.
White teen: Really. Really. Look at me, look at what I’m carrying. Don’t fucking talk to me right now.
Black teen: Definitely, white boy period.
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Girl to boy: I just got this computer software that’s supposed to, like, speeden my reading comprehension.
Boy to girl: Oh…right, right, I saw that shit on tv.
–147th & Amsterdam
Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.
–Downtown 6 train
Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.
–Cafe des Artistes Bar
Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: EthanK
Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!
–N Train
Overheard by: Hannah
Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…
–56th & 1st Ave
Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!
–74th near Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!
–Clark & Herny
Overheard by: Lacy
Technician: It will cost a hundred and fifty dollars to have our technicians look at it.
Girl with computer problem: A hundred and fifty dollars?! No way. I’d rather spend that on alcohol.
–Apple Store Genius Bar
Overheard by: becca
Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don’t think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn’t even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.
–NJ Transit
Excited teen: Danny! Check out my new MacBook Pro!
Danny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re going to buy black-rimmed glasses, a shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the new Franz Ferdinand CD?
Excited teen: But… You already have all that stuff.
–Columbia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist