Guy, about colleague’s showering habits: Yea, you know, I have an eye for that kinda stuff. Need to make sure people stay clean ‘n fresh ’round me. Know what I’m sayin’?
Girl: Are you sure? Because–
Guy: –Nah, yo. He must shower early in the morning or late at night. Or else somewhere in between.
–On the bus
Overheard by: Nabz
Serious, conservative, aspiring journalist to another: Something I’ve been working on a lot, I might not write it for publication but at least for my own enjoyment, you know, I’ve been writing a report on the culture of defecation.
Other journalist: Nice! I’ve been thinking a lot about that.
–In Line for Guggenheim Museum
Coworker #1: It looks like one of your clients is testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Coworker #2: Kinky.
–Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: office peon loves her new job
Graphics girl: OK, I’m a chitter-chatterbox.
Editor: Did you just say you’re a chicken pederast?
–27th Street office
Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather!
Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather!
–25th St & Madison Ave
Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Darling Pinky
Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can’t wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that’s why.
–Starbucks
Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!
–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center
Overheard by: G‑Lime
A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.
–Forham University
Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!
–A Train
Overheard by: Don
Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.
–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem
Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.
–1250 Broadway
Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!
–44th & Lexington
Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?
–Info desk, Strand Bookstore
Artist: Painting is wearing me out. I think I’m ready to retire.
Sales associate: Artists do not retire. As a matter of fact, they are the only ones that do not retire.
Artist: Yeah, they just jump off a bridge or out of a window.
–New York Central Art Supply Store, 3rd Ave, between 10th & 11th St
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist