Woman: So, what did he look like?
Man: Like… a Portuguese chipmunk.
Woman: What the hell does that look like?
Man: Picture a Portuguese man and a chipmunk and combine them. That’s what he looked like.
Woman, after thinking: Oh! Okay. That’s really weird that the he would want Anne* — she’s so tall.
–Grand Central
Teen girl #1: Damn, I’m so glad I went out with you and not your
brother.
Teen girl #2: Aw baby, me too.
Teen girl #1: I mean, you have like three times the personality and
ten times the looks.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah, I know!
–Starbucks, 6th & Waverly
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
Black girl: I’m just going to remain celibate until I meet a nice-looking white man.
Friend: Look how fast he’s walking away!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mark S
Boyfriend is trying to force-feed chocolate to his girlfriend.
Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want it. It will make me fat, and you won’t want me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but no one else will either.
–A train
Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.
–Washington Square Park
Girl on cell: No I’m not bringing anything, this is not a date, it’s 10 o’clock on a Friday night. I’m bringing my vagina, that’s what I’m bringing.
–Court St & 2nd Place
Girl on cell: I mean, there’s nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!
–23rd & 7th
Girl on bike: I feel like I’ve had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!
–Hudson River Bike Path
Distraught NYU student: I’m covered in vaginal cream.
–NYU Dorm, Union Square
Overheard by: Erica Fuld
Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can’t just sniff anyone’s vagina!
–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave
Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.
–B train
Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff
Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.
–F train
Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!
–63rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve – we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”
–33rd & Park
Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.
–Park Slope
Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: Matt
Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!
–Atlantic Avenue gas station
Overheard by: Megan
Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.
–Newark airport
Overheard by: jk
Dorky guy: Maybe I’ll take you to Lucky Cheng’s.
Date: Huh?
Dorky guy: I thought you’d heard of it. See, men dress up as women there. They’re called transvestites. Some of them even have had surgery. I won’t really take you there. I just wanted to understand your thought process. See how you react when I throw something like that out there.
Date: What? Are you taking me there?
–14th St
Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
–NYU gym locker room
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist