Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

The Biggest Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh-looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip-hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday-One-Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl?

–14th & 3rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.