Old junkie guy #1: …So the bitch is fucking bitching about wearin’ a condom. She won’t let me bust my nut in her ’til I slap one on. So I do! And the bitch gives me crabs!
Old junkie guy #2: What a ho.
–Bx15 bus
Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category
Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners
20-something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Happy Birthday, Mithras!
Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.
–29th Street & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: M. Martin
Yet They Won’t Have Useless Diplomas
Guy: Yo, did you hear what Bush wants to do? He wants to get rid of financial aid for college.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah…soon we all gon’ have to be drug dealers. Seeing crackheads will be normal.
–Washington Heights
Overheard by: clari
Just Like Les Mis!
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How’s it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It’s hilarious when you’re high!
–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel
To Be Fair, It Arrives So Infrequently That Even We Forget.
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
I’m Converting My Tax Refund Into $60 Grams
Guy #1: How does my nose look?
Guy #2: You’re good.
–Penn Station men’s room
Overheard by: Christian
Just because You Peed There Didn’t Make It a Bathroom
Greasy, middle-aged man: It’s not your beer.
Cracked-out, middle-aged woman: I left it in your bathroom!
–30th & 9th
Overheard by: India
Just Like Nicole Richie
Black street dealer: Coke? Weed, my brotha?
Desi dude: I’m not black, I’m Indian, my nigga.
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Innocent XXX
NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.
Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I’m harassing you because you’re white and I’m black.
Girl on train: I’m not white, okay? I’m not white, stop looking at me. I don’t look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I’m not into fat girls, so I’ll look somewhere else. I’m not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I’m into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?
–Downtown 2 Train
