30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.
–Miracle Grill
Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos
Archive for the ‘Fag Hags’ Category
Symbiosis in the Gay Ecosystem
Queer: Hey! Nice tits!
Morbidly obese fag hag: Hey, thanks!
–Metropolitan & Humboldt
Overheard by: dani d
That’s Why She’s Dead
Preppy gay guy: I thought she already had cancer?
Preppy fag hag, dawning realization: You’re right! She did… definitely.
–Bleecker & Grove
Overheard by: jams
And Deriving Really Lame Metaphors
Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they’re on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn’t do anything, cause they’re still fat and complaining.
–Wendy’s, 57th St
He Asked Me to Leave This Backpack Here and Not Open It
Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror-esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror-esque gleam is damn sexy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: MiMi
Bottom Line: I Got the Job
Fag hag: So, how was it?
Urban queer: Girl, it was a week ago and I’m still washing the taste of his dick outta my mouth!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Matthew
Choose Your Own Dating Adventure
Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend either. I’m just too high maintenence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high maintenance, you are just plain old needy.
–17th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!
–Elephant and Castle, Greenwich Avenue
Overheard by: wecantdraw
Dear Bonnie, I Just Had to Write
Queer: Yeah, and then she started getting letters telling her how ugly she was…
Fruit flies: Oooh!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Must have been pretty f’ing ugly
He’s the Duchess of Suffolk County
Fag hag scanning seats during intermission: Oooh, look at that queen up there!
Queer: Girl, that’s no queen! He’s from Long Island.
–High Fidelity show
Worse and Worser
Frumpy fag hag: Oh my god, I hate swass.
Fat queer: Swamp ass? Oh my god, I know. I’m totally not wearing underwear right now.
–60th & Columbus
Overheard by: Ali
