Overheard In New York https://overheardinnewyork.com Fri, 05 Mar 2021 06:51:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 How Could You Not Love This Town? https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/12147.html Fri, 05 Mar 2021 06:51:02 +0000 Cashier: How are you?Customer: Do you want the honest answer?Cashier: Yes.Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.Cashier: I’m… sorry.Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend’s baby, and I wish the...

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Warning on the Back of a Slim-Fast Can https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/4998.html Thu, 04 Mar 2021 18:08:02 +0000 Guy #1: You look good though, lose a little weight? Guy #2: I know, it’s great. I can’t say I’m crazy about the constant nosebleeds and cravings at all hours of the day, but it’s worth it anyway, my appetite’s gone. Guy #1: What?

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Your Editors All Just Became Strong Black Women https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/23390.html Thu, 04 Mar 2021 05:43:34 +0000 Girl #1: So Lauren had this little marshmallow dog, and we were playing charades, right, waiting for Becky’s play? One of my friends put his plate down ’cause it was his turn and we hear, like, this fft-fft noise and we see the fucking dog take off with the plate that was bigger than her, just dragging it on the ground.Girl #2: That is so cute!Girl #1: Oh, Jenny, the guy whose turn it was was the...

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Men: *Shudder* https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/18401.html Wed, 03 Mar 2021 17:15:22 +0000 Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too. –172 St & Jerome Overheard by: Emm...

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My Money’s on Julie the Horse-faced Girl https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/4854.html Wed, 03 Mar 2021 04:34:08 +0000 Crazy guy: Jodie Foster is a top notch actress! Girl: Okay. Crazy guy: Julia Roberts is going down! Girl: Are they going to fight? –Shubert Theater...

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Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/22227.html Tue, 02 Mar 2021 16:15:13 +0000 Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I’m a man, goddammit! –Starbucks Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage? –Grand Concourse & Fordham Road Overheard by: Erica S Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat!

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And Now You Expect Me to Walk?? https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/22604.html Tue, 02 Mar 2021 03:27:19 +0000 Girlfriend, exiting cafe: I told you you should have googled this place before we drove all the way here!Boyfriend: I’m sorry. Let’s just go into the city! Bars are open until five there!Girlfriend: You couldn’t entertain me in Brooklyn for half an hour. What are you going to do with me in the city until five?Boyfriend: Walk up and down the city streets! –Bedford Ave &

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Um, in English Literature. https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/18441.html Mon, 01 Mar 2021 14:48:01 +0000 Girl: Would you be mad if I became a dominatrix? It’s not like I’d let the guys go down on me. It’s a better option than prostitution.Guy: Or you could just *not* do sex work, since you have a PhD. –St. John’s Place, Brooklyn Overheard by: Eavesdropper has become eavesdroppee!

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Sadly, the G Train Community Never Fully Accepted Him Again https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/7637.html Mon, 01 Mar 2021 02:33:54 +0000 Hammered 20-year-old, screaming: Yo, I fucked my boss! Yo, I fucked my boss! You ever fuck your boss? [Points to friend] He had to fuck some fat chick and I got my dick sucked all night by my boss! Yo, and she’s, like, 30. [Starts humping pole] She was like, ‘Uhhh, Jim*, give it to me! Fuck me harder!’ He falls on the floor, rolling around with more manic laughter. Friend: Yo, shut up.

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New York Does Not Do Hyphenation, Douche https://overheardinnewyork.com/archives/3614.html Sun, 28 Feb 2021 14:24:24 +0000 Guy: I’m a NyLon. Girl: A what? Guy: A NyLon. New York-Londoner. Girl: Oh, well, I’m a NoInt. Guy: NoInt? Girl: Yeah, Not Interested. –Union Square Overheard by: Lucy Stone...

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